It’s OK to say Thank You!!!

Psalm 139:13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well."

 

I received a compliment today and rather than saying thank you, I felt embarrassed and afraid to feel proud of something I did. There was a little voice in me that said if I take credit for it and felt good about it, then it would make me a proud and arrogant person and God hates arrogance and pride. But then, I realized that the last thing the enemy wants is a confidant Christian woman.

There is a difference between confidence and arrogance and having a feeling of pride about something you have done does not mean you are an ego maniac. Humility is good. We are nothing without God and it is only because of him, that I am able to sit down and write the words I am writing today. When someone says "Good job" it's ok for me to say "Thank you". It made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I have a gift. What a concept. But, it's not something that I asked for. In fact, it appears to be something I always said I couldn't do or even wanted to do...Me, write? I don't even have the discipline to sit still long enough to make it through an entire tv program....but that's what makes these God things. Our gifts are just that, a gift from God.

 Ephesians 4 says

"7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it says:  "When he ascended on high, he took many captives and gave gifts to his people."

We have all been given gifts. Romans 12 says "6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us."  And 1 Corinthians 12:4-6 says "4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work."

 I have realized that I have been afraid to use the gift I have been given because of lack of confidence in my abilities. However, I am not the one controlling them, as we can see from 1 Corinthians 12, it is the Holy Spirit that is working in us and through us with these gifts. I should not fear failure. There is no failure in God's word. I should write boldly, speak boldly and live boldly for God. "You're all I want in heaven! You're all I want on earth! When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, GOD is rock-firm and faithful. Look! Those who left you are falling apart! Deserters, they'll never be heard from again. But I'm in the very presence of GOD—oh, how refreshing it is! I've made Lord GOD my home. GOD, I'm telling the world what you do!" ~Psalm 73:25-28 (The Message)

 Thank you dear friend, for the wake up call I needed. Lord, thank you for placing women like Shawn Boreta in my life who help me get back on the path and remind me to be the person you created me to be and not the person I think I should be.

 What is the gift you have been given that you are have been afraid to use or just lack the confidence to use??

Love Is In The Air….

 

I was reflecting back on Valentines Day…..What does Valentines day mean to you? For me, it never really meant much. It was a day created by the greeting card companies for people to spend more money on the idea of "love". But what is love? IT is defiantly a word that is easy to say, but not so easy to mean. IT is so easy to love through the easy times, but what about the hard times? What about the times that test a relationship? Times like job losses and addictions, child rearing and financial hardships? How easy is it to love through those times? 

 

It may be easy for some to say "That's a peace of cake to love my spouse during hard times" but what about acting in love? I love my husband more than anything in the world and by my own admission, I do struggle at times, with showing him love. In the 14 years we have been together, we have experienced some really hard times. Often, we ask ourselves how we have made it this far when most of our circumstances have been identical to what has caused other relationships to end in divorce and hatred and spite. I can only contribute this to God.

 

My husband wasn't a Christian and I am. In this Christian world, this is known as being "unequally yoked". It wasn't until 6 years into my marriage that I started to grow on my relationship with God. As I grew, things changed in me and what I didn't realize, as I was changing for the better, I was leaving my husband behind. My hobbies and music changed, my lifestyle changed and my level of anger changed. Even though we had a lot of things in common, the things we enjoyed doing together started to change and we started drifting apart. Eventually, I got to the point where I felt like I was done. We became hurtful to each other and just not the people who had fallen in love so many years ago. 

 

My husband loves me with a passion, but my passion seemed to be gone. I was hurt and I felt not good enough and not like I was the woman he was meant to be with. However, what I was forgetting was that God brought me to him and him to me. God said I was the woman for him and he was the man for me. Rather than turn my hurts and pains and sorrows over to God, I absorbed them and fed them. I pushed them down inside of me where they would stew and stew and stew. However, as I had started growing in my relationship with God, I was also learning. I was starting to hear that conscience deep down inside of me. I was learning from the Word how I needed to be and what I had to let go of. I did ok for a while but started doing life again, my way. I started to give up because my husband said something hurtful and spiteful to me. I knew I would never get an apology for it, so I would just feed that emotion. Where I had promised to make my marriage a priority and help him through his hurts, habits and hang-ups, I gave up. However, God didn't give up on me. He hasn't give up on us. He has shown me what I need to do and how I Can be the wife that my husband enjoys coming home to and how I can help my husband to become the person God created him to be. The man I can see deep down inside of him. 

 

Ironically, during Valentines week, I had made some choices that although seem good and productive to the outside world, would actually be destructive to my marriage. Thankfully, God has been able to reveal this to me before it's to late. I ended up emailing my employer and let him know that the only way I would be available to work would be during the times my husband is at work and my daughter is at school. If this job is of God, they will work with that. And guess what, they did. My trust is upon God. I need to do life his way, not my way. I can't lean on my emotions or let my hurts guide me. I have asked my husband for forgiveness and have been honest in my communication with him. And guess what, the world hasn't fallen apart!!! The days are still coming and going and I am still breathing. Even better, my husband still loves me and we are still married. 

 

God has given me a new beginning and a beautiful marriage. It may be rough around the edges, but it is pure solid gold inside.

 

Treasure!!!

 

When most of us think of treasure or hear the word treasure, we are transported back to the land of pirates or King Arthur. We envision grand wooden chests overloaded with jewels and gold. For most of us, that is how we measure our weath…buy the amount of money we have in the bank or by how much our treasure chests are overflowing.
 As for me, I have found and learned something new. My true treasure lies within my heart. Afterall, what is in my heart is a direct reflection of my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth. A Few years ago, ok, well, 1 year ago, I realized I had been so full of negative treasure, it would make your head spin. On the outside I appeared to have it all together, to have a positive attitude…and yes, I am trying, really trying to control my attitude, but the real truth is, my heart had been filled with hurt, neglect and all in all, negative crap.

If I had to lay it out, itemize and take inventory of my treasure, God showed me the true treasure I had stored up in my heart: 
 1. Depression
2. Self Doubt
3. Self Denial
4. Weakness
5. Despair
6. Wanting to give up
7. Unrealistic expectations of myself.
8. A little glimmer of hope
9. A little glimmer of love
10. A little glimmer of happiness

The problem is, that items 8, 9 and 10 were buried way down deep underneath items 1 through 7!

It’s so true, and became crystal clear....what is inside of me is relevant by what comes out of my mouth…Just ask my husband. Poor Man…I had started to drift away from him because of “what I felt he was doing to me…or lack there of!” I was making excuses for my negative treasure by placing the blame on my spouse! “You don’t love me, You don’t appreciate me, You don’t find me attractive, You don’t support me, You don’t this or You don’t that!!”

 Poor guy, he never stood a chance. I had built up, out of these expectations of what I expected of myself and what I thought he wanted me to be, that I totally set myself up for failure. I was putting all my self worth in the hands of a human being…who was struggling just to understand what was happening to his wife and trying to figure out how to help her before she went over the deep end!! 

 What stopped me from going over the deep end? What jerked me out of my “Funk”? I realized that my negative treasure was consuming my thoughts and coming out In my attitude. Why is it so important for me to figure this out? Because knowing what my treasure is forces me to look at what’s wrong with me, not what is wrong with everyone else. Nobody put that treasure into my vault. My husband didn’t make a deposit of hatred or bitterness into the bank of Darci. Nope, that was all me.

 I have learned that I control what I choose to do and, once I make that choice, that choice controls me. I had made a choice to wallow in depression and self hatred. Therfore, the result of that choice was that I was becoming miserable and making people around me feel the same. I allowed other peoples opinions of me, not God’s, decide what type of person I had become. I will never truly be free until I start seeing me as God see’s me, not as people see me.

Matthew 15 16-20 says:
16-20Jesus replied, "You, too? Are you being willfully stupid? Don't you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated? But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart. It's from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing. That's what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands—that's neither here nor there."

“But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart”. No sentence rings truer in my mind right now, because I can look at that and see that is exactly what was wrong with me. I had so much negativeness in my heart, it overflowed into and out of my mouth. The thoughts in my heart made their way to my mind and then that as transformed into my outward behavior and lifestyle.

I had to change which feelings I pay attention to. Inventory item 8,9 and 10 are much more powerful than 1-7 however, I wasn’t choosing to look at nor pay attention to those feelings. Now, I can say, yes, I feel items 1- 7 but I am not going to pay attention to them. I am not going to make them my treasure nor am I going to let those feelings rule who I become. If I dwell and fuss over items 1-7, I will just bring myself down and those around me.
These negative feelings are just an indication of what I need to change in my life. The lie I have been telling myself is that “I can’t help the way I feel” or “I can’t change the way I feel” and the truth is, I really can.

I can have feelings, but I don’t always have to dwell and meditate on them. Bad things are going to happen, especially in a marriage. Marriage and relationships for that matter, are not easy, even for the best of us and the truth is, often, we as humans, would rather run and give up than stick it through and fight for the reward.


The problems I was having in my relationships are a direct reflection of the treasure I had stored up in my heart. These treasures are definitely contrary to what constitutes a healthy relationship. We (I) don’t (won’t) get the real awesomeness of marriage without paying the price…and that price is self evaluation. The price is learning that the treasures in my heart are what is causing the issues in the marriage. I truly believe that God rewards those that hang in there and choose to be healed in those situations. Relationships are hard. Life isn’t fair. It’s easy to look and blame at the other for all the problems, but it is even more painful to look at yourself and what is going on in your heart. Remember, every action begins with a thought.


Let’s be real…nobody “falls” into anything. We don't walk down the sidewalk and "fall into a hole full of love!!!  There isn’t a little “bitterness” cloud that follows us around and rains down bitterness on us where ever we are. We are not like Eyore with that raincloud following us around. BUT, if we dwell on the bad and fill our treasure with the things I had done over that period of time, then that is exactly how we will feel.

It is not a mood, it is a way of thinking and when my thinking changes it’s a way of life. How I live is going to change.

 So, therefore, what are my treasures now?

 1. hope

2. love

3. happiness

4. self worth

5. accomplishment

6. pride in what I have made it through

7. A small glimmer of self doubt

8. A Small glimmer of low self esteem

9. A Small glimmer of weakness

 My heart is healing…these feelings didn’t come about overnight nor will they heal ove rnight but, being open and honest with my friends and family and God, will help the healing process continue. I am exercising on a daily basis now and that has been 90% of my healing. Diet and lack of moving my body really helped bring my depression to it's rock bottom. But no more. God has given me a second chance and this is how I am going to reach my goals!!

So, now my question to you, What is your treasure??

Dealing with the emotion of defeat….

I'm in a funk. I feel defeated and overwhelmed. Ugh, sometimes I just feel like throwing my hands up in the air and say "Ok God, I give up!!!" and actually, I probably should. I should yell at the top of my lungs "God I give up, I can't do this anymore on my own….I put all of this stuff in my life into your hands." Which, by the way, I just did….As I sit hear feeling defeated, especially when it comes to my exercise goals, I need to first write up what I know.

I know that my cries haven't fallen onto deaf ears. I'm not alone. Here is what I know. Matthew 6 is full of instruction about worry.

 

• I am to cast my worries and anxieties on the Lord
  
• I should not spend my time in worry
  
• The Lord will not lead me or forsake me
  
• The Lord knows the plans he has for me. (Jer 29:11)
  
• For God did not give me the spirit of Fear, but of Power Love and a Sound Mind. (2 Tim 1:7)
  

Like Joshua, I have had victory after victory after victory in my life. But I feel like right now, I am flat on my face in defeat!!! Now, a look at what I feel…As I walk into the kitchen and see the mess, then into the living room and see that mess, I feel overwhelmed and defeated. Didn't I just clean this up? How did it become such a mess so quickly? Why am I the only one who really cares about how the house looks? But I guess I don't care enough because I just feel like giving up on it! I feel defeated. Defeated in my marriage, in my role as a mom and wife, in my desires and my dreams, my finances and friendships. My passion has disappeared! Where did it go? I mean, I don't feel depressed or like crying..just frustrated and defeated.

I looked up the word defeat in the Concise Oxford English Dictionary, and this is what it says about the word: "    prevent the achievement of (an aim): this defeats the object of the exercise." Did it have to say exercise? Really? Lord, you had to put that word in part of the definition?

As a Christian Woman, I should not be living a life full of defeat. Everyone around me says I have a lot on my plate, but I don't see that. Why? Is my brain just protecting me from the chaos that life has been giving me lately?

I just read something interesting:

It's the defeat more than anything else that hurts you! Defeat is always the hardest thing for you to stand, even in trifles. But don't you know that we have to be defeated in order to succeed? Most of us spend half our lives fighting for things that would only destroy us if we got them. A man who has never been defeated is usually a man who has been ruined.

—J. L. Allen

Wow. What an eye opener. I have always said to other people, that you can't appreciate the light until you have walked in the darkness. "Most of us spend our lives fighting for things that would only destroy us if we got them." Wow. Is that what I am doing? Fighting for something that would only destroy me if I achieved it? What am I fighting for? What am I placing my thoughts on?

Having a defeated attitude is allowing myself to swim in defeated thoughts. After all, everything starts with a thought…so what thoughts am I allowing into my mind? What thoughts are racing around in my head and what thoughts are keeping me up at night? That's where that defeat is coming from. Satan doesn't want me to be full of passion for anything except negative emotions…if he can keep me down, then God can't help me up…but guess what, no matter how hard Satan tries, My God is stronger. He can life me out of anything…and he has done this time and time again in my life.

Joshua 7:10 says "¹⁰ The Lord said to Joshua, "Stand up! What are you doing down on your face?" (I think I need to replace Joshua's name with mine) Israel had just been defeated I battle with Ai. They had been defeated because of their choices and their actions. Yet, God was calling out to Joshua who was feeling total defeat and despair and told him something important "That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction." (Joshua 7:12) God then goes on and gives Joshua instruction as to how to defeat his enemies.

I didn't realize this until now, just how much I can relate to Joshua. When I look at his life, I see so many similarities and when I read the following, I felt like God was speaking into my life. This is how Joshua must get up off his face. RF Campbell puts it into perfect perspective:

A.    Joshua Must Stop Questioning God's Character (v. 7)

1.    "Alas, O Lord God, wherefore hast thou?"

2.    Something goes wrong and he blames God

3.    Consider the good things God had done (what would my list of good things look like?)

a.    Sent Moses to bring them out of Egypt (Ex. 3)

b.    Opened the Red Sea for them (Ex. 14)

c.    Fed them with manna when they were hungry (Ex. 16)

d.    Gave them water from a rock (Ex. 17)

e.    Led them across the flooded Jordan (Josh. 3)

f.    Enabled them to conquer mighty Jericho (Josh. 6)

4.    Now after one defeat … Joshua blames God

5.    Think of all God has done for us: loved us, gave His Son for us, offers us salvation by faith, receives us when we come to Him

6.    How can we blame God for defeats?

 

B.    Joshua Must Stop Focusing on This One Defeat (v. 8)

1.    Think of all the blessings already given

2.    Think of all the blessings promised for the future

a.    Promises given to Abraham for his descendants (Gen. 12:1–3)

b.    Promises given to Moses for the people (Ex. 3:7–10)

c.    Promises given to Joshua (Josh. 1:1–9)

3.    Joshua had become problem-conscious instead of power-conscious

4.    In spite of blessings and promises, he focused on one defeat

5.    He must forget this defeat and expect victory (Phil. 3:13–14)

 

C.    Joshua Must Stop Worrying About Public Opinion (v. 9)

1.    "For the Canaanites … shall hear of it"

2.    God will take care of His own reputation

3.    God will lift up His people when they are down

4.    God has brought victory to many defeated ones

 

For me, this means that

A. Darci must Stop Questioning God's Character. I want to say I never do that, but in thinking long and hard about it… I do. When I allow these thoughts to invade my mind, I am giving power to the negative and not to God. When I try and do things on my own, I am not allowing God to do his work in me. I'm not in a place where I blame God for my poor choices, but I do blame myself and find myself buried I guilt. That's is not a spirit of God. I'm not thinking about all the good things God has done in my life like I used to. I feel like I am absorbing all the negative defeatist attitudes of the people around me…those that are closest to me which makes me thing I may have to change my surroundings when it comes to those relationships….but what if one of those relationships is your spouse? That's what I 'll have to turn over to God.

B. Darci Must Stop Focusing on This One Defeat. It's so easy to focus on what is going on without allowing yourself to think about all the good stuff. This is only a season…it will not last forever. I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me so why am I not allowing him to strengthen my thoughts???

C. Darci Must Stop Worrying About Public Opinion. This public opinion that has such a huge affect in my life is my husband's. But he lives in a defeatist mentality. Always concentrating on the negative, not allowing him to see past his nose. But, im giving power to that attitude by developing it myself, rather than walking with God and allowing God to fix my thoughts.

Eventually, Joshua does rise up and defeats the armies and leads his people into the promised lands.

In his letters to the exiles, Jeremiah said to them in chapter 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Even when Joshua was defeated, even when the exiles were feeling defeated, God still spoke to them. He didn't sugar coat anything or tell them everything would be sunshine and roses. He told them that they had to deal with the consequences of their actions and choices, but that season would end and he would bring them out of the captivity they had found them in. He encouraged them and instructed them on how to live life during that captivity so that they wouldn't allow themselves to get defeated again.

God knows my life. He knows my heart and he hears my cries. My focus must be on the task at hand and that is renewing my mind, repenting for the things I have done wrong and turning to my Lord for guidance, instruction and help in renewing my mind!

^"7 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

⁵⁸ Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. "

 

What better way to face the day… Thanks be to God!! HE does give us VICTORY!!! Amen!