Keep it Simple...

It's so easy to take things for granted. It is much better to keep things simple!!! Just watch this:

Thank you to Ara and Spirit for their inspiring journey. Read Ara's blog and donate to him....If more people could live with such peace and friendship, this world would be such a better place! http://theoasisofmysoul.com/

Romans chapter 7:13-25

14-16 "¹⁴We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good."

I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

17-20 ^"17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^c]">[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. "

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21-23 "²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God's law; ²³but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members."

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24 "²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"

I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25 "²⁵Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

2nd Chances....

2nd Chances.....

by Darci Escandon on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 9:38am

I just read something Beth Morroe wrote...actually, it was a question she posted in one of her recent blogs ( http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/2010/01/innocence.html )

What would it be like to know that you sinned but there was no way to be forgiven?

Wow. That was such a profound question. Especially, because it hit home. 2009 was a rough year...well, actually, the last 4 months were really rough. It was especially rough on the animals of the house. In November, the week before Thanksgiving, my daughter and I came home to a horrible discovery. 2 of our dogs had managed to shut themselves up in her (our daughter) room and had managed to kill the one of our 3 family cats. I won't go into details, but it was a pretty grizzly scene.

I did what I could to help Karmann through the ordeal, afterall, this cat was her buddy, her pal. Thankfully, I have beautiful and wonderful friends who were able to come over and help me clean up the mess.

Then, on December 11th, My husband and I came home late to what looked like a murder scene. Our dog and our foster dog got into a scuffle and our dog had to be rushed to the Animal Emergency Center. The foster appeared to be ok so we just cleaned her up and made her comfortable. Early the following morning we took her to the Vet and had (The rescue that is) to make the hard choice to put her (the foster dog) to sleep. Her injuries were worse than we originally imagined.

Our dog (and our family) had to go through an aweful ordeal for a while and again, we were blessed with beautiful and wonderful friends that helped us get through that period, financially, emotionally, mentally, physically....

By that time, I was drowing in guilt because I felt I as responsible. If I had shut the cats up away from the dogs, none of this would have happened...If I had put the foster dog in her crate, away from our dogs, none of this would have happened.

The truth is, what happened was bound to happen eventually......
AND, I can feel responsible, but i don't have to drown in guilt.

Anyway, Everything was going along fine until today. The heater quit working during the night and the landlord was going to come to the house to fix it. I had already made plans to spend some time with a friend of mine, so I took the dogs for a long walk and figured I would put them in our master bedroom while the landlord was here. That way, they would be calm and less likely to make trouble. I wasn't going to be here..but it would be ok. I couldn't live in fear...Anyway, My friend arrived and I saw that one of the cats was on his perch in the living room so I put the dogs in the bedroom and left.

On the way home, I had this feeling of dread come over my entire spirit. When I got home and opened the door to the bedroom, I saw it...Cat #2, dead on the floor...same type of death...it was then that I realised that I hadn't taken the time to double check and make sure the cat was where he should have been...

I also realised which dog did it....but of course, understanding dog behavior, I couldn't punish the dog as I didn't catch him in the act and he wouldn't understand why he was in trouble. However, the dog must have felt my energy change because he tucked his tail between his legs and actually fell to the side and gave me his belly.

So, you may be wondering what all this has to do with the question Beth Moore posed. It has everything...and this is why.

Up until recently, I had been living in depression...fed by guilt. I "sinned", made some mistakes, but did not forgive myself because others couldn't forgive me.......and that is the worst feeling in the world. In addition, I have been talking to my daughter about second chances, forgiveness and such...

Here I was, face to face with a cold blooded cat killer...a dog that has already bitten one person and killed 2 cats. Do you know how easy it would have been to just put him down? But, what type of forgiveness is that? We adopted this dog knowing he had issues and needed work. Learning is a proces and often, people learn by making mistakes.

So for me, the answer to that question would be this:

What would it be like to know that you sinned but there was no way to be forgiven?
It would be like being the dog that was given up on. The dog that was put to death because his people couldn't look pass the instance instead of teaching him the correct behavior. The dog that was looking for direction and guidance but was handed death instead because it was easier to give up, walk away and not take responsibility for what they promised and pushed through and worked hard to keep the promise that they made. IT would be easier to put the dog to death and blame him for the pain and loss we are feeling...the anger, the sadness, the frustration..all of those emotions...than face the problem head on and know, that with God's strength and the help, prayer and guidance from our friends and family we would be able to work through this and teach this dog what he needed to learn....

For some of you...I know that you would say, it's just a dog....and I don't exect anyone to feel or look upon animals the way we do...but in this situation, what I see is a creature created by God who needed help...and forgivness...

I know a lot of people who want to be forgiven, who preach forgivness...but when they have been hurt....that all goes out the window. I don't want to be that person. I am not that type of person. It's not up to me to be judge and jury...it's my job to keep my word and be an example....no matter how hard that is!!

So now that you have heard my answer to this question, I am interested to know how you would answer it.

My Thought for the day...1/1/2010

My Thought for the day...1/1/2010

by Darci Escandon on Saturday, January 2, 2010 at 3:38am

Ok, so it's 2:43 in the morning of January 2nd not January 1st which makes me a bit late starting, but, as they say, better late than never, right? Late for what you ask? Well, as you know, 2009 was a bittersweet year for me. I finally had to admit to myself that I was going through a rough time. I begged and pleaded with God to get me through things, and with his strength, I did. I'm not saying it was easy in any sense of the word, but my family and I survived and are still surrounded with the love from friends and family that many people only dream about. So what does that have to do with what I am writing to you about? God has placed it in my heart to share these thoughts with you. So, here it goes....Please forgive me as I am sure it may be a rather long read...(Insert warning here...CAUTION, POSSIBLE LONG READ)

everything. I feel that God placed it on my heart that my "New Years resolution" be that I spend 30 minutes every day with him. Uninterupted just me and God time. I was kind of excited about this...I went looking for a new journal and bible study and devotional software...of course I didn't find any nor did I buy anything...I realise now that everything God wants me to learn will come in that 30 minutes a day I sit quietly in his presence.

I don't really need the thoughts and words from a bible study series based on what I think God is trying to say to me...What I need to do is just sit in his presence and let his word guide me to what he wants me to learn. I'm not saying that i don't need to listen to a Beth Moore 6 week session or Creflo Dollar 6 week session on one particular topic, but rather, i need to open my heart, sit down and listen. Let God's words flow through me, into my heart and mind....and that is what I am doing now.

I recognize now that I am restless...because I am not a peace..I am not at peace because I didn't uphold my commitment to God...and now, because I have a concious and I have learned to recognise when I think I feel the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention...I can no longer "blow off" what needs to be done now, until morning so that I can get a few hours of sleep.

Even as i write this to you all, I am feeling more and more at peace. So, without further ado, I would like to share with you, what God has brought to my attention today. It's an article titled "If Teacups Could Talk" ( http://www.libertyonlineministries.com/index.cfm?PID=16021 ) by Kathy Helvey.

The thing that jumped out at me was this paragraph:

"But there is a difference between a cup of tea and life. When we brew tea ourselves, we can put it aside or throw it away if it's not to our liking. That's not so with life's cup of tea. We have to drink it. How we go about swallowing those difficult cups of life depends upon what we know and believe about the nature of our life's "tea strainer."

I had to read more. Why? Because since August, It seems as I have been having to swallow one difficult cup of tea aftear another! Not only that, but over the course of a few years (especially more in the past few months), I find myself wanting to turn to a cup of tea more and more for relaxation and calmness rather than a glass of wine or a beer. A cup of hot Tea has become my "drink of choice" and just yesterday I was telling Leo how much I would like an old fashioned teapot that has the strainer built in so that I can use loose tea...wow...Don't you love how God will plant something in your heart and mind to be used at a later time??

Anyway, I digress..I read the passage part about "A Bitter Brew". Boy, can I relate to the past part of it when the author wrote:

My cup was a very bitter brew, and I didn't like it one bit! There was absolutely no sugar in it, and I certainly didn't relax and enjoy it."

Those 2 sentences perfectly describe and sum up my last 4 months. Well, feelingwise anyway...I had to keep reading...and here it was...my "Woah" moment:

"I am the Lord your God. I go before you, I am with you, and I'll never leave you or fail you. Do not be discouraged or afraid" (Deuteronomy 31:8)."

Do not be discouraged or afraid...wow...I have been both lately...more so afraid, anxious, nervous and ancy than discouraged. The discouragement comes and goes...but it's the anxiety and the fear that seem to be lingering in my mind and soul. In fact, that is what caused me to write this letter rather than try and go back to sleep...so you can imagine how much this verse jumped out at me...it is like God was talking directly to me.

I had to keep reading (there are only 3 more paragraphs left...) I felt like God was reaching out to comfor me. So many different emotions I have been experiencing and a few words in a short article seemed to just put me at ease. It was the promise that you hear about in church...the promise that you hear people talk about on the streets, in coffee shops and on the street...people meaning Christians. The promise of God's love and comfort. Wow...as I have opened up my mind and my heart to God over these past few years...I have learned so much. Just in exploring my own personal relationship with him...not what the church wants me to hear or do or what my Christian friends want me to feel or think...but rather, that personal bond I am developing little by little over time with God. I realise now, why it never happend before and why I was such a sceptic (and for those of you who know me and my story, you know i have not always been a Christian and strong in my faith or belief system). Something happened when I opened up my heart and said ok...let's give this thing a good, honest solid try...afterall, if it isn't as real as they say it is and it doesn't work for me, then what do I have to loose? I won't be any worse off than I was before!!! Anyway, I am rambling now...back to the article..

I read and have to share this paragraph with you:

"Now, will I be discouraged or afraid to drink life's cup at times? Oh yes! But I don't have to be … because now I know and believe in the nature of my life's tea strainer. I also have the confidence that as I drink, even though I can't taste the goodness of it, or understand the why of what's in my cup, in the end I know it will be good for me. I don't have to be discouraged or afraid because it's all been "Father filtered" from a loving, wise, sovereign God."

Life happens. Crap happens. It's not all a bed of roses. Sometimes, life can be just downright ugly. A Bitter cup of tea to swallow. I will feel discouraged, fear, anxiety, depression, sadness, anger, resentment...all these different emotions...I am human afterall. But I like what she said here. IT's like she is saying "I can feel it, but I don't have to be it."

I am not going to live my life with blinders on. Just because I have become a Christian and developed a belief system does not mean that my life will be a bed of roses. Quite the contrary. Nothing has changed in my feelings with the exception of I am now learning to recognize them when they come up rather than just push them down inside and...most importanly...i am learning that i don't have to become what I feel. I don't have to let my emotions rule my life and dictate how I am going to live it. If my life were a teacup, I think it would be one made of fine china....with cracks, chips, faded color, crackled finish, broken handles....BUT...it would still hold the tea...and for me, that tea now, is God's word.

Everyone's tea is different. Not all of us have the same belief system. Not all of us are Christians and i want you to know that I respect that. these thoughts were not set out to save anyones soul or force anything on anyone. But Christian or not, Believer or Not, we all have one thing in common. our lives are all like teacups waiting to be filled with Tea. We will all enjoy hot tea, cold tea, luke warm tea, sweet tea and bitter tea. My question to you is, what kind of tea do you fill your cup with? How do you sweeten it to make it easier to swallow?

Stick a Fork in Me, I'm Done....NOT!!!

Stick a Fork in Me, I'm Done....NOT!!!

by Darci Escandon on Sunday, December 20, 2009 at 9:48pm

I really want to say "Stick a fork in me, I'm done!!!" but the truth is, I will keep going. Maybe I will write a plot for a soap opera and make millions off of what has happened over these past few months!!! Especially after the car accident this afternoon!! HOWEVER, once again, God showed me that he is good. There was a silverlining to today, the woman that was involved in the accident, had her mom with her who was suffering from Alzheimers. To make a long story short, She had said that after her father died 2 years ago, her mom basically just started fading. Now, they are lucky if they hear her say one or two words a day. As we were leaving the police station after filing the report, I told her mom that I liked her hat. She responded by saying thank you and that she liked my hat as well. i then told her that I was sorry about what happened and that I hoped she had a Merry Christmas. She then responded by telling me not to worry about it and to have a Merry Christmas as well. What a wonderful present for the daughter...to hear her mom have a lucid conversation...even if it was only a few sentences. What a sense of peace!


Now, if I can just get through this battle between what I know in my heart to be true and how I am feeling....it will all be good!!



Have a blessed and beautiful Christmas and know, that no matter how bad things seem to get, There is always a stranger that God sends to strike up a conversation! :)

More Ramblings from a Guilty Concious...

by Darci Escandon on Monday, December 14, 2009 at 2:49am

"Don't worry about the ones you can't save, rather, use that energy and worry about the ones you can!" For anyone that has been invovled in animal rescue, this phrase should sound familiar. I have heard it so many times it makes my head spin, but yet, it is the hardest phrase to get out of my head.....and I think adhere to. Up until today, the true meaning hadn't really even sunk in.

I am a mom and a wife and proud owner of 3 dogs and 2 cats...all rescues. Which is why the decision to foster was not one that I made lightly...or did I? I had been talking about it for years but my husband always said no...there was always plenty of excuses as to why we couldn't: Time, Money, Room...but finally, there were no more excuses. So, I finally said yes...much to his chergrin (mistake, to be honest.) For anyone thinking of fostering and is part of a family, It is VITAL that all family memebers be 100% supportive and in favor of the idea...no matter what the age. Fostering will affect everyone emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.

I have been involved in fostering and animal rescue actively now, for about a year. Everyone has always told me I have had a gift with animals and Lord knows, he certainly has blessed me with a love for them. But not just a love, but a healthy respect. When a person decides to foster, there is always a risk. For me, the risk was that my daughter, my husband, myself, my animals could be hurt. The one thing life has taught me is that you never underestimate people or animals...both are capable of anything at anytime. That doesn't mean that you always have to be on guard, but that you have to just be aware.

Anyway, The first couple were pretty easy. Then, once the rescue director learned my strengths and weaknesses, she was able to better understand what type of dog would do well in our house. For some reason, we tended to attract the fearful and untrusting. We spent a lot of time with these animals just taking it minute by minute. I give credit for my successes to my pack...my dogs as I feel they did most of the rehabbing...and I give credit for my not so successful results to my poor judgement or lack thereof.

IT was because of these poor judgement calls on my part that I find myself up at 2am writing this. You see, because of my mistake, our foster dog had to be put down and my dog spent 36 hours in Animal Emergency this weekend and is now at home with drain tubes. I won't go into detail, but I do need to talk about what happened to a community of people that understand.

about 3 weeks ago, I had to pick up our foster from our local animal control. I had no history other than in March of last year, she was adopted out through our sister rescue in another part of the state. Somehow, she had made her way back to our city and was found running loose on our local army post. Because she was considered a "dangerous breed", she was immediately picked up.

I brought her home and slowly went through the steps of introduction and getting her set up. Each day was getting better for her. She was energetic, happy and just wanted to please. Afterall, isn't that the heart of Pit Bull? Dogs with Hearts bigger than their brains? She showed no sign of being a "red zone" case, however that didn't mean that she was. She was seperated when we were not at home and was allowed to be with us only when we were home. She was donig exceptionally well...but just needed to be taught "manners". IT was obvious that she had no socialization whatsoever with people or other dogs...but she was eager to learn..maybe a little over eager...

Friday night I came home to a nightmare. Somehow, in our rush to get out of the house and to my daughters Christmas pagent, I neglected to put her upstairs in the spare room where her crate is. It was that split second decision...the distraction and the not thinking that caused this poor girl her life. We came home Friday night, after dropping our daughter off with Grandma for the weekend to what looked like a murder scene. There was blood everywhere. I have to admit...I was an instant flood of emotions, panic, fear, and instintaneous guilt...because as soon as I walked in the house, I realised what I had forgotten to do.

Hershey, our dog got rushed to the Animal Emergency Hospital. The Foster seemed only to have superficial wounds....What appeared to happen (of course, this is only speculation) is that "Little Girl" must have irritated Hershey and Hershey (who we nickname "House Mom") treid to teach a lesson in manners. However, the lesson went ary...

The Vet said the wounds on Hershey didn't appear to be caused by aggressive actions...There were no rips or tears or bite marks that seemed to be made in an attacking style. Because of the location of the wounds on Hershey's chest and front arms, The Vet seemed to say what I had been thinking...Hershey was standing over Little Girl to show who was boss, and Little Girl, feeling afraid, defended in the only way she new how...problem was, Little Girl was young and had sharper teeth. Hershey outweighed her by a good 40lbs but Hershey is 9...and well, I would like to say non aggressive. Looking at Little Girls' wounds the next day, the Vet said, they were really super ficial and IF Hershey had wanted to, she could have really caused some major harm...

But anyway, that really isn't the point of this story. Our city, as big as it is, doesn't have a lot of Agression wise trainers. My best friend (who is like my brother) is the only really well known agression wise trainer here. He is the one that ALL the rescues in town turn to when they have a "red zone" case. But, he and his wife live in a really tiny home with 9 dogs and 14 cats...all of witch are rescues. 7 of the 9 dogs are theres...the other 2 are fosters. Why so many dogs? because they were all considered "Unadoptable" and "Aggressive". Mike has been able to work with them all so that they are all healthy pack members now.

But, unfortunately, he is at his capacity. So is our rescue. Anytime something like this happens in a foster home, we immediately remove the foster dog. The problem was, for Little Girl...this was her 3rd strike. We were her last hope.,..and I didn't know that until the director made the decision to put her down. They never tell me the history about the dogs until the dog has been adopted...which I guess is wise. Anyway, Because we had no room...no foster homes available...and because of her breed (Not many people here want to foster stronger breeds nor are they equipped with enough training to understand the breeds) we are caught between a rock and a hard place. So, the decision was made.

I really struggle with this...mostly because of the fact that she had potential..I could see it...But, it was obvious, that although everyone else felt I was ready, this one mistake resulted in something horrible.

So...I guess what I am trying to say is The ones that we can't save are the ones that break my heart the most. It's the ones that I see at night when I close my eyes and they're the ones that seem to stick around in my brain the most....BUT...IT's the ones that I can save that make this whole thing worthwhile. They are the ones that taught me to live in the moment.

So..for anyone thinking of fostering...please know that it isn't easy...this is not something that you do to make yourself feel better...this is not about you and what you want to complete your life...it is about the life of the animal that is depending on you to show them the way. Mistakes are made...we are human...but there are consequences to each one so know what you are getting in to. It can be the most worthwhile thing you will ever do.

Little Girl and Jethro..sleeping peacefully after a day of play!

Hershey...Afterwards...

The Thoughts I Couldn't Get Out of My Mind..

Originally written 11/12/2009 09:17:27 AM

2 Timothy 1:7 (New International Version)

7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7 (Amplified Bible)

7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

I love that. The words of the different versions of the different bibles may be different but meaning is the same. For many years, I have been searching for a verse that I can relate to. There are so many in the Bible for me to choose from and each one of them have great meanings. Something about 2 Timothy 1:7 really jumped out at me.

Balance and discipline and self control have never been something I felt I had within me. In fact, anyone who knows me will say those are 3 facets of my life that don't even exist. HOWEVER, I do know that these are things that are desperately needed in my life in order for me to succeed and be the person God created me to be. There it is, in black and white. The 3 things I spent my life looking for. The 3 gifts I kept insisting I didn't have. The 3 traits I would say never existed in me.

I was wrong. God gave me these items as a gift. He gave them to me and they have been inside of me this whole time. My problem was, I didn't know. I didn't want to know. Knowing would mean that I would need to listen to God. Knowing meant I had to grow spiritually and Knowing meant I had to walk in the word each and every day.

That meant I had to deal with things in me that I didn't want to deal with. It meant that I had to totally see myself through God's eyes. I had to see myself for what I was, what I am and what I can be.

God has given me power over my life. Power of my decisions. Power over my thoughts, Power over my mind. I do not have to fear. I do not have to doubt, I do not have to feel like I'm loosing my mind. What I have to do is believe in myself the way God believes in me. To love myself the way God loves me. To Love others the way God loves me.

I can be successful. I am worth something and I am loved. I think I still battle bouts of depression. I still fail and have my moments...but every day I spend time, just listening to what God is trying to tell me, the more I tend to make better choices...

What's on my mind...if God offends you...do not read...

This is something I wrote back in June of 2009...

“DO NOT BE AFRAID”. 4 simple words. Why is it when God has a task for us he always starts things out with “Do Not Be Afraid”? He knows our hearts and he knows that when he gives us a job to do the first thing we are going to do is get nervous and doubtful. Fear keeps so many people from doing so many things. Good things and bad things.

Doing God’s work is usually not the most popular thing with those around me, even if they are believers. Someone once told me that the devil comes on angels wings. I never understood what that meant until recently. The devil does not want me to do God’s work and he has used my love for God to use it against me. When I spend all my time and focus in the church and neglect my family, that puts strain on my family relationships and causes me to push them away. That is exactly what the devil wants to happen. He does not want Christians to be happy nor to have strong relationships.

I never used to believe the devil stuff. I used to feel that people were using the devil as an excuse to not take responsibility for their actions. I think many still do, however I have witnessed firsthand how the devil has worked against me in my life and I know that it is a real threat out there.

Many people who knew me years ago, would probably not even recognize me. I was never a religious person nor was I a peaceful person. I made my choices and there were some pretty bad consequences to those choices. I now see, that the only reason I have survived was truly, by the grace of God. Also, I now see how those experiences are being used to help people out now.

One thing that I have recently heard is just because we don’t see God doing something doesn’t mean that he isn’t. He is always working in our lives. It would be very easy for me to sit back and complain about my past and the bad that was done to me. Yet, what good is that going to do? Why should I complain about things that happened because of my own choices?

God couldn’t mold me into the person he wants me to be until he totally broke me. I had to go through what I did in order for me to be prepared to handle the task at hand. I feel that he has a big task for me and I must admit, I am a bit nervous about it. I don’t feel worthy of it and I don’t feel the confidence in myself that others see. But I also know, that I can be my own worst enemy when I do not rely on God for his strength. I don’t see myself as being any better than anyone else, I just see myself that has been chosen to carry out a job that God has tasked me with.

So, am I going to react in my human form and let the fear keep me from doing what I am going to do or am I going to have faith and turn that fear over to the person that can do something about it.

What would you do?

THE SECRET POWERS OF TIME....

Some really good food for thought...

BREAKING THE ADDICTION OF MYSELF!

Hello. My name is Darci and I am a "Meaholic".


I can say now, that I was my own worst enemy. Espcially from October 2009 to January 2010. I consider that my "dark" period where I was so down on myself. So consumed with how others made me feel and how aweful I was. My thoughts were full of "I'm useless, worthless, and all the "less's", January 8, 2010 was the day I decided to finally go "cold Turkey" on myself and am so much better for it. I have gotten myself back to shape emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. What a difference! You can track my progress on www.beachbodycoach.com/2tim17



Anyway, I have heard this song by Mercy Me many times but it really didn't hit me until a few months ago and I think it describes perfectly, where I am today. So, without further ado:


Well if I come across a little bit distant
It's just because I am
Things just seem to feel a little bit different
You understand
Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say

So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long, self

Stop right there because I know what you're thinking
But no we can't be friends
And even though I know your heart is breaking
This has to end
And come to think of it the blame for all of this
Simply falls on me
For wanting something more in life than all of this
Can't you see

So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two, so you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong, but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, good-bye, don't cry
So long

Don't feel so bad (don't feel so bad)
There'll be better days (there'll be better days)
Don't go away mad (but by all means)
Just go away,go away

So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two, so you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong, but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, good-bye, don't cry
So long self
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)

Meditating on Ephesians 6:10-20

Before I start into my Bible Study, I want to share 2 Timothy 1:7. "For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of Power, Love and a Sound Mind". Lately, as I am trying to rebuild my realtionship with God, I have been feeling a lot of anxiety. It always happens around my period, but for some reason, this week is worse than the rest. I don't know where it is coming from or why I feel like crying sometimes for no reason. My life is going well. I have a husband and family that love me. Our finances are getting back in order and my life is getting back on track. So, why do I feel anxious, worried and depressed? Why do I feel I am loosing my mind?? Ok, loosing my control of my emotions?? Please lift this up in prayer. God did not give this spirit of fear to me.

Acts 28. 20. ".....It is because of the hope of Israel that I am bound wth this chain. " Paul is in Rome. He is imprisoned. in Verse 31 it says "Boldly without hinderance he preache the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Chris". Paul was not anxious nor worried. Even in his circumstaces, he praise God's name and spread the word to others around him. He was never alone.

My grief and anxieties are nothing compared to Paul. The Lord is with me. He has never left me or forsaken me. So, where are these emotions coming from? Why this anxiety?

There are 10 verses in the Bible that talk about worry:

Gen 7:16..Dont worry about the details we have no control of. Let God worry about the details.
Gen 21:7..Worry can cause us to forfit our peace with God. IS this why I am full of anxiety?? God wants to give me peace.

Ps 37:8-9 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-- it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.


That's it. Since getting back home from Albuquerque, I let anger fill me. Idid become full of wrath and anger. I was ready to leave my husband and blame him for all my suffering. I was choosing to wallow in my anger and I allowed it to consume me. By doig this, I drifted farther and farther away from God. I didn't go to church for 2 weeks nor did I pick up my Bible to read and I was all ready to pack up Karmann and leave. I had felt anger like I used to know many, many years ago. But, this time, it was different. Becaue this time, there was a tiny speck of me, the me that loved my God that held on and kept fighting. Anger literally wore me out. My anxiety and feelings of dread are what's left after choosing to look to God for guidance and instruction. IT was a battle going on in my mind and in my heart. This is exactly what the devil wants to happen. No More. Renewing my mind is a daily battle. These feelings stem from thoughts I allowed to fester. No more. I will put on my armor of God:

The Belt of truth: Satan fights with lies and sometimes his lies sound like tuth; but only believers have God's truth, which can defeat Satan's lies. God's truth is that he loves my husband. He Chose Leo for me. I am to be Leo's Christian example which means forgivenss... not just 7 times, but 70 times 7 times.

The Breastplate of righteousness The devil often attacks our heart--- the seat of our emotions, self worth and trust. God's righteousness is the breastplate tha protects our heart and ensures his approval. He approves of us because he loves us and sent his so to die for us. By not keeping in the word, I had taken off my breastplate. That allowed the devil to attack my heart and mess with my emotions. And what an attack he made!!

The Footgear for Readiness to spread the Good News. Satan wants us to think that telling others the Good News is worthles and hopeless task. The size of the task is too ig and the negativ responss are too much to handle. But the footgear Go gives us is the motivaton to continue to prolaim the true peace that is available in God--news eveyrone needs to hear. I no longer felt like posting up bible verses or encouraging others on facebook. In fact, I had the opportunity to tell Leo how he could get hope and talk to him about God and I stayed quiet. I didn't say anything because my thoughts told me that it was useless because he wasn't going to listen to it anyway, his heart wasn't ready...but I see now that those are lies...big lies... No one who knows me can doubt that God exists after seeing where he has brought me to. My life should stand as hope against the darkenss. I survived so that I can share this hope with others...but by listening to the doubts in my mind, I kept my mouth shut. No more...

The Shield of Faith. What we see are Satan's attacks in the form of insults, setbacks and temptations. But, the shield of faith protects us from Satan's flaming arrow's. With God's perspective, we can see beyond our circumstances and know that ultimate victory is ours. SELAH! When I got home from spending a month away, I felt likeI was getting nothing but insults and setbacks and temptations. I blamed my husband for that. But, as a non believer, it is easy for Satan to use him to get to me. He doesn't understand faith. But, I do. I understand how it works. And, I fell for it. I let my shield down. By doing that, I blamed everything on my husband. It was all his fault. Blame is a HUGE emotion...and one that will allow us to excuse our behavior when we know it's wrong. But, no more. My shield is back up!!

The Helmet of Salvation...Satan wants to make us doubt God, JEsus and our salvation. The helmet protects our mind from doubting God's saving work for us. Doubt is HUGE when it comes to depression. Afterall, that's where i all starts...doubting ourselves, doubting our abilities. Doubt can have a HUGE controlling effect on our outlook.It can make us see things that aren't there. It can cause us to think somthing is bigger than it is.

and finally:

The Sword...the word of God. The sword is the only weapon of offense in this list of armor. There are times when we need to take the offensive against Satan. When we are tempted, we need to trust in he truth of the word of God. The Bible says that the truth will set you free. And, indeed it does. It doesn't free you from battle or free you from life's circumstances, but it frees you from the lonliness that trying to fight a battle on your own can bring. Many times, I say to myself that I have no one to talk to. I can't pick up the phone and talk to someone about my feelings...but the truth is, God is always near. I can talk to him first and he listens. He speaks the truth.

When I started this letter, I was full of anxiety and worry. After turning to the word of God and knowing the truth, the anxiety and worry and other emotions are passing. I know they will be back, they always are...but this time, I am ready. I have on my armor of God. I know where to look in the Bible to see what it is God wants me to see about any situation. I can rest in peace and comfort knowing that I a his child ad he is with me always!!

So, the world may do what it may. I have the "...Power of PEACE, LOVE and a SOUND MIND!!!"

Thank you Lord, I praise your name!!!

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Treasure...

When most of us think of treasure or hear the word treasure, we are transported back to the land of pirates or King Arthur. We envision grand wooden chests overloaded with jewels and gold. For most of us, that is how we measure our weath…buy the amount of money we have in the bank or by how much our treasure chests are overflowing.

As for me, I have found and learned something new. My true treasure lies within my heart. Afterall, what is in my heart is a direct reflection of my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth. Over the past few months, I have been so full of negative treasure, it would make your head spin. On the outside I appear to have it all together, to have a positive attitude…and yes, I am trying, really trying to control my attitude, but the real truth is, my heart has been filled with hurt, neglect and all in all, negative crap.

If I had to lay it out, itemize and take inventory of my treasure, I would see the following:

1. Depression
2. Self Doubt
3. Self Denial
4. Weakness
5. Despair
6. Wanting to give up
7. Unrealistic expectations of myself.
8. A little glimmer of hope
9. A little glimmer of love
10. A little glimmer of happiness

The problem is, that items 8, 9 and 10 were buried way down deep underneath items 1 through 7!
IT’s so true, what is inside of me is relevant by what comes out of my mouth…Just ask my husband. Poor Man…I had started to drift away from him because of “what I felt he was doing to me…or lack theirof!” I was making excuses for my negative treasure by placing the blame on my spouse! “You don’t love me, You don’t appreciate me, You don’t find me attractive, You don’t support me, You don’t this or You don’t that!!”

Poor guy, he never stood a chance. I had built of these expectations of what I expected of myself and what I thought he wanted me to be that I totally set myself up for failure. I was putting all my self worth in the hands of a human being…who was struggling just to understand what was happening to his wife and trying to figure out how to help her before she went over the deep end!!

What stopped me from going over the deep end? What jerked me out of my “Funk”? I realized that my negative treasure was consuming my thoughts and coming out In my attitude. Why is it so important for me to figure this out? Because knowing what my treasure is forces me to look at what’s wrong with me, not what is wrong with everyone else. Nobody but that treasure into my vault. My husband didn’t make a deposit of hatred or bitterness into the bank of Darci. Nope, that was all me.

I have learned that I control what I choose to do and, once I make that choice, that choice controls me. I chose to wallow in depression and self hatred. Therfore, the result of that choice was that I was becoming miserable and making people around me feel the same. I allowed other peoples opinions of me, not God’s, decide what type of person I had become. I will never truly be free until I start seeing me as God see’s me, not as people see me.

Matthew 15 16-20 says:
16-20Jesus replied, "You, too? Are you being willfully stupid? Don't you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated? But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart. It's from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing. That's what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands—that's neither here nor there."

“But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart”. No sentence rings truer in my mind right now, because I can look at that and see that is exactly what was wrong with me. I had so much negativeness in my heart, it overflowed into and out of my mouth. The thoughts in my heart made their way to my mind and then that as transformed into my outward behavior and lifestyle.
I need to change which feelings I pay attention to. Inventory item 8,9 and 10 are much more powerful than 1-7 however, I wasn’t choosing to look at nor pay attention to those feelings. Now, I can say, yes, I feel items 1- 7 but I am not going to pay attention to them. I am not going to make them my treasure nor am I going to let those feelings rule who I become. If I dwell and fuss over items 1-7, I will just bring myself down and those around me. These negative feelings are just an indication of what I need to change in my life. The lie I have been telling myself is that “I can’t help the way I feel” or “I can’t change the way I feel” and the truth is, I really can.

I can have feelings, but I don’t always have to dwell and meditate on them. Bad things are going to happen, especially in a marriage. Marriage isn’t easy, even for the best of us and the truth is, often, we as humans, would rather run and give up than stick it through and fight for the reward.

The problems I was having in my marriage is a direct reflection of the treasure I have had stored up in my heart. These treasures are definitely contrary to what constitutes a healthy relationship. We (I) don’t (won’t) get the real awesomeness of marriage without paying the price…and that price is self evaluation. The price is learning that the treasures in my heart are what is causing the issues in the marriage. I truly believe that God rewards those that hang in there and choose to be healed in those situations. Relationships are hard. Life isn’t fair. It’s easy to look and blame at the other for all the problems, but it is even more painful to look at yourself and what is going on in your heart. Remember, every action begins with a thought.



Let’s be real…nobody “falls” into anything. There isn’t a little “bitterness” cloud that follows us around and rains down bitterness on us where ever we are. We are not like Eyore with that raincloud following us around. BUT, if we dwell on the bad and fill our treasure with the things I have over the past few months, then that is exactly how we will feel.

It is not a mood, it is a way of thinking and when my thinking changes it’s a way of life. How I live is going to change.

So, therefore, what are my treasures now? Well, this is only day one, but already I feel
1. A glimmer of hope
2. A glimmer of love
3. A glimmer of happiness
4. A glimmer self worth
5. A glimmer accomplishment
6. A glimmer of pride
7. A small glimmer of self doubt
8. A Small glimmer of low self esteem
9. A Small glimmer of weakness

My heart is now healing…these feelings didn’t come about overnight nor will they heal overnight but, being open and honest with my friends and family and God, will help the healing process continue. I am exercising on a daily basis now and that has been 90% of my healing. Diet and lack of moving my body really helped bring my depression to it's rock bottom. But no more. God has given me a second chance and this is how I am goning to reach my goals!!



So, now my question to you, What is your treasure??

579 Calories in...400 out...

Me thinks I need a bit more food intake! I have always struggled with my food intake. Probably comes from the starvation mode I put my body in when I was young and homeless. Although I was able to climb out of my pit, I never changed my eating habits. Big no no when getting healthy. Many people need to cut down on eating and I have to increase. Do you know how hard that is when you don't feel hungry? Well, after a good workout, it's not hard to feel hungry so if you say you are exercising and not getting hungry, then you are not pushing yourself enough. Well, at least that is what I think.





When you do a Beachbody workout and you see that timer ticking down on the TV screen and you think you can't do anymore..guess what, you can. Just push yourself. I just got my Slim in 6 Saturday and today was day one for me. I felt like giving up 10 minutes in..my body was saying "You're crazy..you want me to do what???" But guess what...I kept at it. I kept going. Now, I feel great. So, even though this is day 1 for me, I am one day closer to achieving my goals and I am one day healthier than I was before. I had my Shakeology for Breakfast and I earned my recovery drink after my workout.



The fat did not get on my body overnight and it sure as heck won't leave over night. It's gonna resist me every way it can...but I am stronger. I am meaner, I am angrier! I can do it and so can YOU! Just keep at it and press play!!!

IT'S TIME TO GET MOVING...AND PRAISE GOD WHILE WE ARE DOING IT...

Finally, a company who knows what I want. I can now praise God and workout at the same time. 2 Timothy 1:7 says that "God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE AND A SOUND MINE!!!" Do you know what that means? I can no longer let fear keep me from accomplishing my goal.



My body is indeed a temple and I have not been doing that great of a job treating it as such. With God's help, I can now get over my laziness and lack of motivation!!

Will you join me on this journey? I need all the help and support that I can get!