14-16 "14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good."
I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.
17-20 "17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.c]">[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. "
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23 "21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members."
It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24 "24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25 "25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
2nd Chances....
2nd Chances.....
by Darci Escandon on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 9:38am
I just read something Beth Morroe wrote...actually, it was a question she posted in one of her recent blogs ( http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/2010/01/innocence.html )
What would it be like to know that you sinned but there was no way to be forgiven?
Wow. That was such a profound question. Especially, because it hit home. 2009 was a rough year...well, actually, the last 4 months were really rough. It was especially rough on the animals of the house. In November, the week before Thanksgiving, my daughter and I came home to a horrible discovery. 2 of our dogs had managed to shut themselves up in her (our daughter) room and had managed to kill the one of our 3 family cats. I won't go into details, but it was a pretty grizzly scene.
I did what I could to help Karmann through the ordeal, afterall, this cat was her buddy, her pal. Thankfully, I have beautiful and wonderful friends who were able to come over and help me clean up the mess.
Then, on December 11th, My husband and I came home late to what looked like a murder scene. Our dog and our foster dog got into a scuffle and our dog had to be rushed to the Animal Emergency Center. The foster appeared to be ok so we just cleaned her up and made her comfortable. Early the following morning we took her to the Vet and had (The rescue that is) to make the hard choice to put her (the foster dog) to sleep. Her injuries were worse than we originally imagined.
Our dog (and our family) had to go through an aweful ordeal for a while and again, we were blessed with beautiful and wonderful friends that helped us get through that period, financially, emotionally, mentally, physically....
By that time, I was drowing in guilt because I felt I as responsible. If I had shut the cats up away from the dogs, none of this would have happened...If I had put the foster dog in her crate, away from our dogs, none of this would have happened.
The truth is, what happened was bound to happen eventually......
AND, I can feel responsible, but i don't have to drown in guilt.
Anyway, Everything was going along fine until today. The heater quit working during the night and the landlord was going to come to the house to fix it. I had already made plans to spend some time with a friend of mine, so I took the dogs for a long walk and figured I would put them in our master bedroom while the landlord was here. That way, they would be calm and less likely to make trouble. I wasn't going to be here..but it would be ok. I couldn't live in fear...Anyway, My friend arrived and I saw that one of the cats was on his perch in the living room so I put the dogs in the bedroom and left.
On the way home, I had this feeling of dread come over my entire spirit. When I got home and opened the door to the bedroom, I saw it...Cat #2, dead on the floor...same type of death...it was then that I realised that I hadn't taken the time to double check and make sure the cat was where he should have been...
I also realised which dog did it....but of course, understanding dog behavior, I couldn't punish the dog as I didn't catch him in the act and he wouldn't understand why he was in trouble. However, the dog must have felt my energy change because he tucked his tail between his legs and actually fell to the side and gave me his belly.
So, you may be wondering what all this has to do with the question Beth Moore posed. It has everything...and this is why.
Up until recently, I had been living in depression...fed by guilt. I "sinned", made some mistakes, but did not forgive myself because others couldn't forgive me.......and that is the worst feeling in the world. In addition, I have been talking to my daughter about second chances, forgiveness and such...
Here I was, face to face with a cold blooded cat killer...a dog that has already bitten one person and killed 2 cats. Do you know how easy it would have been to just put him down? But, what type of forgiveness is that? We adopted this dog knowing he had issues and needed work. Learning is a proces and often, people learn by making mistakes.
So for me, the answer to that question would be this:
What would it be like to know that you sinned but there was no way to be forgiven?
It would be like being the dog that was given up on. The dog that was put to death because his people couldn't look pass the instance instead of teaching him the correct behavior. The dog that was looking for direction and guidance but was handed death instead because it was easier to give up, walk away and not take responsibility for what they promised and pushed through and worked hard to keep the promise that they made. IT would be easier to put the dog to death and blame him for the pain and loss we are feeling...the anger, the sadness, the frustration..all of those emotions...than face the problem head on and know, that with God's strength and the help, prayer and guidance from our friends and family we would be able to work through this and teach this dog what he needed to learn....
For some of you...I know that you would say, it's just a dog....and I don't exect anyone to feel or look upon animals the way we do...but in this situation, what I see is a creature created by God who needed help...and forgivness...
I know a lot of people who want to be forgiven, who preach forgivness...but when they have been hurt....that all goes out the window. I don't want to be that person. I am not that type of person. It's not up to me to be judge and jury...it's my job to keep my word and be an example....no matter how hard that is!!
So now that you have heard my answer to this question, I am interested to know how you would answer it.
My Thought for the day...1/1/2010
My Thought for the day...1/1/2010
by Darci Escandon on Saturday, January 2, 2010 at 3:38am
Ok, so it's 2:43 in the morning of January 2nd not January 1st which makes me a bit late starting, but, as they say, better late than never, right? Late for what you ask? Well, as you know, 2009 was a bittersweet year for me. I finally had to admit to myself that I was going through a rough time. I begged and pleaded with God to get me through things, and with his strength, I did. I'm not saying it was easy in any sense of the word, but my family and I survived and are still surrounded with the love from friends and family that many people only dream about. So what does that have to do with what I am writing to you about? God has placed it in my heart to share these thoughts with you. So, here it goes....Please forgive me as I am sure it may be a rather long read...(Insert warning here...CAUTION, POSSIBLE LONG READ)
everything. I feel that God placed it on my heart that my "New Years resolution" be that I spend 30 minutes every day with him. Uninterupted just me and God time. I was kind of excited about this...I went looking for a new journal and bible study and devotional software...of course I didn't find any nor did I buy anything...I realise now that everything God wants me to learn will come in that 30 minutes a day I sit quietly in his presence.
I don't really need the thoughts and words from a bible study series based on what I think God is trying to say to me...What I need to do is just sit in his presence and let his word guide me to what he wants me to learn. I'm not saying that i don't need to listen to a Beth Moore 6 week session or Creflo Dollar 6 week session on one particular topic, but rather, i need to open my heart, sit down and listen. Let God's words flow through me, into my heart and mind....and that is what I am doing now.
I recognize now that I am restless...because I am not a peace..I am not at peace because I didn't uphold my commitment to God...and now, because I have a concious and I have learned to recognise when I think I feel the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention...I can no longer "blow off" what needs to be done now, until morning so that I can get a few hours of sleep.
Even as i write this to you all, I am feeling more and more at peace. So, without further ado, I would like to share with you, what God has brought to my attention today. It's an article titled "If Teacups Could Talk" ( http://www.libertyonlineministries.com/index.cfm?PID=16021 ) by Kathy Helvey.
The thing that jumped out at me was this paragraph:
"But there is a difference between a cup of tea and life. When we brew tea ourselves, we can put it aside or throw it away if it's not to our liking. That's not so with life's cup of tea. We have to drink it. How we go about swallowing those difficult cups of life depends upon what we know and believe about the nature of our life's "tea strainer."
I had to read more. Why? Because since August, It seems as I have been having to swallow one difficult cup of tea aftear another! Not only that, but over the course of a few years (especially more in the past few months), I find myself wanting to turn to a cup of tea more and more for relaxation and calmness rather than a glass of wine or a beer. A cup of hot Tea has become my "drink of choice" and just yesterday I was telling Leo how much I would like an old fashioned teapot that has the strainer built in so that I can use loose tea...wow...Don't you love how God will plant something in your heart and mind to be used at a later time??
Anyway, I digress..I read the passage part about "A Bitter Brew". Boy, can I relate to the past part of it when the author wrote:
My cup was a very bitter brew, and I didn't like it one bit! There was absolutely no sugar in it, and I certainly didn't relax and enjoy it."
Those 2 sentences perfectly describe and sum up my last 4 months. Well, feelingwise anyway...I had to keep reading...and here it was...my "Woah" moment:
"I am the Lord your God. I go before you, I am with you, and I'll never leave you or fail you. Do not be discouraged or afraid" (Deuteronomy 31:8)."
Do not be discouraged or afraid...wow...I have been both lately...more so afraid, anxious, nervous and ancy than discouraged. The discouragement comes and goes...but it's the anxiety and the fear that seem to be lingering in my mind and soul. In fact, that is what caused me to write this letter rather than try and go back to sleep...so you can imagine how much this verse jumped out at me...it is like God was talking directly to me.
I had to keep reading (there are only 3 more paragraphs left...) I felt like God was reaching out to comfor me. So many different emotions I have been experiencing and a few words in a short article seemed to just put me at ease. It was the promise that you hear about in church...the promise that you hear people talk about on the streets, in coffee shops and on the street...people meaning Christians. The promise of God's love and comfort. Wow...as I have opened up my mind and my heart to God over these past few years...I have learned so much. Just in exploring my own personal relationship with him...not what the church wants me to hear or do or what my Christian friends want me to feel or think...but rather, that personal bond I am developing little by little over time with God. I realise now, why it never happend before and why I was such a sceptic (and for those of you who know me and my story, you know i have not always been a Christian and strong in my faith or belief system). Something happened when I opened up my heart and said ok...let's give this thing a good, honest solid try...afterall, if it isn't as real as they say it is and it doesn't work for me, then what do I have to loose? I won't be any worse off than I was before!!! Anyway, I am rambling now...back to the article..
I read and have to share this paragraph with you:
"Now, will I be discouraged or afraid to drink life's cup at times? Oh yes! But I don't have to be … because now I know and believe in the nature of my life's tea strainer. I also have the confidence that as I drink, even though I can't taste the goodness of it, or understand the why of what's in my cup, in the end I know it will be good for me. I don't have to be discouraged or afraid because it's all been "Father filtered" from a loving, wise, sovereign God."
Life happens. Crap happens. It's not all a bed of roses. Sometimes, life can be just downright ugly. A Bitter cup of tea to swallow. I will feel discouraged, fear, anxiety, depression, sadness, anger, resentment...all these different emotions...I am human afterall. But I like what she said here. IT's like she is saying "I can feel it, but I don't have to be it."
I am not going to live my life with blinders on. Just because I have become a Christian and developed a belief system does not mean that my life will be a bed of roses. Quite the contrary. Nothing has changed in my feelings with the exception of I am now learning to recognize them when they come up rather than just push them down inside and...most importanly...i am learning that i don't have to become what I feel. I don't have to let my emotions rule my life and dictate how I am going to live it. If my life were a teacup, I think it would be one made of fine china....with cracks, chips, faded color, crackled finish, broken handles....BUT...it would still hold the tea...and for me, that tea now, is God's word.
Everyone's tea is different. Not all of us have the same belief system. Not all of us are Christians and i want you to know that I respect that. these thoughts were not set out to save anyones soul or force anything on anyone. But Christian or not, Believer or Not, we all have one thing in common. our lives are all like teacups waiting to be filled with Tea. We will all enjoy hot tea, cold tea, luke warm tea, sweet tea and bitter tea. My question to you is, what kind of tea do you fill your cup with? How do you sweeten it to make it easier to swallow?
Stick a Fork in Me, I'm Done....NOT!!!
Stick a Fork in Me, I'm Done....NOT!!!
by Darci Escandon on Sunday, December 20, 2009 at 9:48pm
I really want to say "Stick a fork in me, I'm done!!!" but the truth is, I will keep going. Maybe I will write a plot for a soap opera and make millions off of what has happened over these past few months!!! Especially after the car accident this afternoon!! HOWEVER, once again, God showed me that he is good. There was a silverlining to today, the woman that was involved in the accident, had her mom with her who was suffering from Alzheimers. To make a long story short, She had said that after her father died 2 years ago, her mom basically just started fading. Now, they are lucky if they hear her say one or two words a day. As we were leaving the police station after filing the report, I told her mom that I liked her hat. She responded by saying thank you and that she liked my hat as well. i then told her that I was sorry about what happened and that I hoped she had a Merry Christmas. She then responded by telling me not to worry about it and to have a Merry Christmas as well. What a wonderful present for the daughter...to hear her mom have a lucid conversation...even if it was only a few sentences. What a sense of peace!
Now, if I can just get through this battle between what I know in my heart to be true and how I am feeling....it will all be good!!
Have a blessed and beautiful Christmas and know, that no matter how bad things seem to get, There is always a stranger that God sends to strike up a conversation! :)
More Ramblings from a Guilty Concious...
"Don't worry about the ones you can't save, rather, use that energy and worry about the ones you can!" For anyone that has been invovled in animal rescue, this phrase should sound familiar. I have heard it so many times it makes my head spin, but yet, it is the hardest phrase to get out of my head.....and I think adhere to. Up until today, the true meaning hadn't really even sunk in.
I am a mom and a wife and proud owner of 3 dogs and 2 cats...all rescues. Which is why the decision to foster was not one that I made lightly...or did I? I had been talking about it for years but my husband always said no...there was always plenty of excuses as to why we couldn't: Time, Money, Room...but finally, there were no more excuses. So, I finally said yes...much to his chergrin (mistake, to be honest.) For anyone thinking of fostering and is part of a family, It is VITAL that all family memebers be 100% supportive and in favor of the idea...no matter what the age. Fostering will affect everyone emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.
I have been involved in fostering and animal rescue actively now, for about a year. Everyone has always told me I have had a gift with animals and Lord knows, he certainly has blessed me with a love for them. But not just a love, but a healthy respect. When a person decides to foster, there is always a risk. For me, the risk was that my daughter, my husband, myself, my animals could be hurt. The one thing life has taught me is that you never underestimate people or animals...both are capable of anything at anytime. That doesn't mean that you always have to be on guard, but that you have to just be aware.
Anyway, The first couple were pretty easy. Then, once the rescue director learned my strengths and weaknesses, she was able to better understand what type of dog would do well in our house. For some reason, we tended to attract the fearful and untrusting. We spent a lot of time with these animals just taking it minute by minute. I give credit for my successes to my pack...my dogs as I feel they did most of the rehabbing...and I give credit for my not so successful results to my poor judgement or lack thereof.
IT was because of these poor judgement calls on my part that I find myself up at 2am writing this. You see, because of my mistake, our foster dog had to be put down and my dog spent 36 hours in Animal Emergency this weekend and is now at home with drain tubes. I won't go into detail, but I do need to talk about what happened to a community of people that understand.
about 3 weeks ago, I had to pick up our foster from our local animal control. I had no history other than in March of last year, she was adopted out through our sister rescue in another part of the state. Somehow, she had made her way back to our city and was found running loose on our local army post. Because she was considered a "dangerous breed", she was immediately picked up.
I brought her home and slowly went through the steps of introduction and getting her set up. Each day was getting better for her. She was energetic, happy and just wanted to please. Afterall, isn't that the heart of Pit Bull? Dogs with Hearts bigger than their brains? She showed no sign of being a "red zone" case, however that didn't mean that she was. She was seperated when we were not at home and was allowed to be with us only when we were home. She was donig exceptionally well...but just needed to be taught "manners". IT was obvious that she had no socialization whatsoever with people or other dogs...but she was eager to learn..maybe a little over eager...
Friday night I came home to a nightmare. Somehow, in our rush to get out of the house and to my daughters Christmas pagent, I neglected to put her upstairs in the spare room where her crate is. It was that split second decision...the distraction and the not thinking that caused this poor girl her life. We came home Friday night, after dropping our daughter off with Grandma for the weekend to what looked like a murder scene. There was blood everywhere. I have to admit...I was an instant flood of emotions, panic, fear, and instintaneous guilt...because as soon as I walked in the house, I realised what I had forgotten to do.
Hershey, our dog got rushed to the Animal Emergency Hospital. The Foster seemed only to have superficial wounds....What appeared to happen (of course, this is only speculation) is that "Little Girl" must have irritated Hershey and Hershey (who we nickname "House Mom") treid to teach a lesson in manners. However, the lesson went ary...
The Vet said the wounds on Hershey didn't appear to be caused by aggressive actions...There were no rips or tears or bite marks that seemed to be made in an attacking style. Because of the location of the wounds on Hershey's chest and front arms, The Vet seemed to say what I had been thinking...Hershey was standing over Little Girl to show who was boss, and Little Girl, feeling afraid, defended in the only way she new how...problem was, Little Girl was young and had sharper teeth. Hershey outweighed her by a good 40lbs but Hershey is 9...and well, I would like to say non aggressive. Looking at Little Girls' wounds the next day, the Vet said, they were really super ficial and IF Hershey had wanted to, she could have really caused some major harm...
But anyway, that really isn't the point of this story. Our city, as big as it is, doesn't have a lot of Agression wise trainers. My best friend (who is like my brother) is the only really well known agression wise trainer here. He is the one that ALL the rescues in town turn to when they have a "red zone" case. But, he and his wife live in a really tiny home with 9 dogs and 14 cats...all of witch are rescues. 7 of the 9 dogs are theres...the other 2 are fosters. Why so many dogs? because they were all considered "Unadoptable" and "Aggressive". Mike has been able to work with them all so that they are all healthy pack members now.
But, unfortunately, he is at his capacity. So is our rescue. Anytime something like this happens in a foster home, we immediately remove the foster dog. The problem was, for Little Girl...this was her 3rd strike. We were her last hope.,..and I didn't know that until the director made the decision to put her down. They never tell me the history about the dogs until the dog has been adopted...which I guess is wise. Anyway, Because we had no room...no foster homes available...and because of her breed (Not many people here want to foster stronger breeds nor are they equipped with enough training to understand the breeds) we are caught between a rock and a hard place. So, the decision was made.
I really struggle with this...mostly because of the fact that she had potential..I could see it...But, it was obvious, that although everyone else felt I was ready, this one mistake resulted in something horrible.
So...I guess what I am trying to say is The ones that we can't save are the ones that break my heart the most. It's the ones that I see at night when I close my eyes and they're the ones that seem to stick around in my brain the most....BUT...IT's the ones that I can save that make this whole thing worthwhile. They are the ones that taught me to live in the moment.
So..for anyone thinking of fostering...please know that it isn't easy...this is not something that you do to make yourself feel better...this is not about you and what you want to complete your life...it is about the life of the animal that is depending on you to show them the way. Mistakes are made...we are human...but there are consequences to each one so know what you are getting in to. It can be the most worthwhile thing you will ever do.
I am a mom and a wife and proud owner of 3 dogs and 2 cats...all rescues. Which is why the decision to foster was not one that I made lightly...or did I? I had been talking about it for years but my husband always said no...there was always plenty of excuses as to why we couldn't: Time, Money, Room...but finally, there were no more excuses. So, I finally said yes...much to his chergrin (mistake, to be honest.) For anyone thinking of fostering and is part of a family, It is VITAL that all family memebers be 100% supportive and in favor of the idea...no matter what the age. Fostering will affect everyone emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.
I have been involved in fostering and animal rescue actively now, for about a year. Everyone has always told me I have had a gift with animals and Lord knows, he certainly has blessed me with a love for them. But not just a love, but a healthy respect. When a person decides to foster, there is always a risk. For me, the risk was that my daughter, my husband, myself, my animals could be hurt. The one thing life has taught me is that you never underestimate people or animals...both are capable of anything at anytime. That doesn't mean that you always have to be on guard, but that you have to just be aware.
Anyway, The first couple were pretty easy. Then, once the rescue director learned my strengths and weaknesses, she was able to better understand what type of dog would do well in our house. For some reason, we tended to attract the fearful and untrusting. We spent a lot of time with these animals just taking it minute by minute. I give credit for my successes to my pack...my dogs as I feel they did most of the rehabbing...and I give credit for my not so successful results to my poor judgement or lack thereof.
IT was because of these poor judgement calls on my part that I find myself up at 2am writing this. You see, because of my mistake, our foster dog had to be put down and my dog spent 36 hours in Animal Emergency this weekend and is now at home with drain tubes. I won't go into detail, but I do need to talk about what happened to a community of people that understand.
about 3 weeks ago, I had to pick up our foster from our local animal control. I had no history other than in March of last year, she was adopted out through our sister rescue in another part of the state. Somehow, she had made her way back to our city and was found running loose on our local army post. Because she was considered a "dangerous breed", she was immediately picked up.
I brought her home and slowly went through the steps of introduction and getting her set up. Each day was getting better for her. She was energetic, happy and just wanted to please. Afterall, isn't that the heart of Pit Bull? Dogs with Hearts bigger than their brains? She showed no sign of being a "red zone" case, however that didn't mean that she was. She was seperated when we were not at home and was allowed to be with us only when we were home. She was donig exceptionally well...but just needed to be taught "manners". IT was obvious that she had no socialization whatsoever with people or other dogs...but she was eager to learn..maybe a little over eager...
Friday night I came home to a nightmare. Somehow, in our rush to get out of the house and to my daughters Christmas pagent, I neglected to put her upstairs in the spare room where her crate is. It was that split second decision...the distraction and the not thinking that caused this poor girl her life. We came home Friday night, after dropping our daughter off with Grandma for the weekend to what looked like a murder scene. There was blood everywhere. I have to admit...I was an instant flood of emotions, panic, fear, and instintaneous guilt...because as soon as I walked in the house, I realised what I had forgotten to do.
Hershey, our dog got rushed to the Animal Emergency Hospital. The Foster seemed only to have superficial wounds....What appeared to happen (of course, this is only speculation) is that "Little Girl" must have irritated Hershey and Hershey (who we nickname "House Mom") treid to teach a lesson in manners. However, the lesson went ary...
The Vet said the wounds on Hershey didn't appear to be caused by aggressive actions...There were no rips or tears or bite marks that seemed to be made in an attacking style. Because of the location of the wounds on Hershey's chest and front arms, The Vet seemed to say what I had been thinking...Hershey was standing over Little Girl to show who was boss, and Little Girl, feeling afraid, defended in the only way she new how...problem was, Little Girl was young and had sharper teeth. Hershey outweighed her by a good 40lbs but Hershey is 9...and well, I would like to say non aggressive. Looking at Little Girls' wounds the next day, the Vet said, they were really super ficial and IF Hershey had wanted to, she could have really caused some major harm...
But anyway, that really isn't the point of this story. Our city, as big as it is, doesn't have a lot of Agression wise trainers. My best friend (who is like my brother) is the only really well known agression wise trainer here. He is the one that ALL the rescues in town turn to when they have a "red zone" case. But, he and his wife live in a really tiny home with 9 dogs and 14 cats...all of witch are rescues. 7 of the 9 dogs are theres...the other 2 are fosters. Why so many dogs? because they were all considered "Unadoptable" and "Aggressive". Mike has been able to work with them all so that they are all healthy pack members now.
But, unfortunately, he is at his capacity. So is our rescue. Anytime something like this happens in a foster home, we immediately remove the foster dog. The problem was, for Little Girl...this was her 3rd strike. We were her last hope.,..and I didn't know that until the director made the decision to put her down. They never tell me the history about the dogs until the dog has been adopted...which I guess is wise. Anyway, Because we had no room...no foster homes available...and because of her breed (Not many people here want to foster stronger breeds nor are they equipped with enough training to understand the breeds) we are caught between a rock and a hard place. So, the decision was made.
I really struggle with this...mostly because of the fact that she had potential..I could see it...But, it was obvious, that although everyone else felt I was ready, this one mistake resulted in something horrible.
So...I guess what I am trying to say is The ones that we can't save are the ones that break my heart the most. It's the ones that I see at night when I close my eyes and they're the ones that seem to stick around in my brain the most....BUT...IT's the ones that I can save that make this whole thing worthwhile. They are the ones that taught me to live in the moment.
So..for anyone thinking of fostering...please know that it isn't easy...this is not something that you do to make yourself feel better...this is not about you and what you want to complete your life...it is about the life of the animal that is depending on you to show them the way. Mistakes are made...we are human...but there are consequences to each one so know what you are getting in to. It can be the most worthwhile thing you will ever do.
Little Girl and Jethro..sleeping peacefully after a day of play!
Hershey...Afterwards...
The Thoughts I Couldn't Get Out of My Mind..
Originally written 11/12/2009 09:17:27 AM
2 Timothy 1:7 (New International Version)
7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7 (Amplified Bible)
7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
I love that. The words of the different versions of the different bibles may be different but meaning is the same. For many years, I have been searching for a verse that I can relate to. There are so many in the Bible for me to choose from and each one of them have great meanings. Something about 2 Timothy 1:7 really jumped out at me.
Balance and discipline and self control have never been something I felt I had within me. In fact, anyone who knows me will say those are 3 facets of my life that don't even exist. HOWEVER, I do know that these are things that are desperately needed in my life in order for me to succeed and be the person God created me to be. There it is, in black and white. The 3 things I spent my life looking for. The 3 gifts I kept insisting I didn't have. The 3 traits I would say never existed in me.
I was wrong. God gave me these items as a gift. He gave them to me and they have been inside of me this whole time. My problem was, I didn't know. I didn't want to know. Knowing would mean that I would need to listen to God. Knowing meant I had to grow spiritually and Knowing meant I had to walk in the word each and every day.
That meant I had to deal with things in me that I didn't want to deal with. It meant that I had to totally see myself through God's eyes. I had to see myself for what I was, what I am and what I can be.
God has given me power over my life. Power of my decisions. Power over my thoughts, Power over my mind. I do not have to fear. I do not have to doubt, I do not have to feel like I'm loosing my mind. What I have to do is believe in myself the way God believes in me. To love myself the way God loves me. To Love others the way God loves me.
I can be successful. I am worth something and I am loved. I think I still battle bouts of depression. I still fail and have my moments...but every day I spend time, just listening to what God is trying to tell me, the more I tend to make better choices...
2 Timothy 1:7 (New International Version)
7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7 (Amplified Bible)
7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
I love that. The words of the different versions of the different bibles may be different but meaning is the same. For many years, I have been searching for a verse that I can relate to. There are so many in the Bible for me to choose from and each one of them have great meanings. Something about 2 Timothy 1:7 really jumped out at me.
Balance and discipline and self control have never been something I felt I had within me. In fact, anyone who knows me will say those are 3 facets of my life that don't even exist. HOWEVER, I do know that these are things that are desperately needed in my life in order for me to succeed and be the person God created me to be. There it is, in black and white. The 3 things I spent my life looking for. The 3 gifts I kept insisting I didn't have. The 3 traits I would say never existed in me.
I was wrong. God gave me these items as a gift. He gave them to me and they have been inside of me this whole time. My problem was, I didn't know. I didn't want to know. Knowing would mean that I would need to listen to God. Knowing meant I had to grow spiritually and Knowing meant I had to walk in the word each and every day.
That meant I had to deal with things in me that I didn't want to deal with. It meant that I had to totally see myself through God's eyes. I had to see myself for what I was, what I am and what I can be.
God has given me power over my life. Power of my decisions. Power over my thoughts, Power over my mind. I do not have to fear. I do not have to doubt, I do not have to feel like I'm loosing my mind. What I have to do is believe in myself the way God believes in me. To love myself the way God loves me. To Love others the way God loves me.
I can be successful. I am worth something and I am loved. I think I still battle bouts of depression. I still fail and have my moments...but every day I spend time, just listening to what God is trying to tell me, the more I tend to make better choices...
What's on my mind...if God offends you...do not read...
This is something I wrote back in June of 2009...
“DO NOT BE AFRAID”. 4 simple words. Why is it when God has a task for us he always starts things out with “Do Not Be Afraid”? He knows our hearts and he knows that when he gives us a job to do the first thing we are going to do is get nervous and doubtful. Fear keeps so many people from doing so many things. Good things and bad things.
Doing God’s work is usually not the most popular thing with those around me, even if they are believers. Someone once told me that the devil comes on angels wings. I never understood what that meant until recently. The devil does not want me to do God’s work and he has used my love for God to use it against me. When I spend all my time and focus in the church and neglect my family, that puts strain on my family relationships and causes me to push them away. That is exactly what the devil wants to happen. He does not want Christians to be happy nor to have strong relationships.
I never used to believe the devil stuff. I used to feel that people were using the devil as an excuse to not take responsibility for their actions. I think many still do, however I have witnessed firsthand how the devil has worked against me in my life and I know that it is a real threat out there.
Many people who knew me years ago, would probably not even recognize me. I was never a religious person nor was I a peaceful person. I made my choices and there were some pretty bad consequences to those choices. I now see, that the only reason I have survived was truly, by the grace of God. Also, I now see how those experiences are being used to help people out now.
One thing that I have recently heard is just because we don’t see God doing something doesn’t mean that he isn’t. He is always working in our lives. It would be very easy for me to sit back and complain about my past and the bad that was done to me. Yet, what good is that going to do? Why should I complain about things that happened because of my own choices?
God couldn’t mold me into the person he wants me to be until he totally broke me. I had to go through what I did in order for me to be prepared to handle the task at hand. I feel that he has a big task for me and I must admit, I am a bit nervous about it. I don’t feel worthy of it and I don’t feel the confidence in myself that others see. But I also know, that I can be my own worst enemy when I do not rely on God for his strength. I don’t see myself as being any better than anyone else, I just see myself that has been chosen to carry out a job that God has tasked me with.
So, am I going to react in my human form and let the fear keep me from doing what I am going to do or am I going to have faith and turn that fear over to the person that can do something about it.
What would you do?
“DO NOT BE AFRAID”. 4 simple words. Why is it when God has a task for us he always starts things out with “Do Not Be Afraid”? He knows our hearts and he knows that when he gives us a job to do the first thing we are going to do is get nervous and doubtful. Fear keeps so many people from doing so many things. Good things and bad things.
Doing God’s work is usually not the most popular thing with those around me, even if they are believers. Someone once told me that the devil comes on angels wings. I never understood what that meant until recently. The devil does not want me to do God’s work and he has used my love for God to use it against me. When I spend all my time and focus in the church and neglect my family, that puts strain on my family relationships and causes me to push them away. That is exactly what the devil wants to happen. He does not want Christians to be happy nor to have strong relationships.
I never used to believe the devil stuff. I used to feel that people were using the devil as an excuse to not take responsibility for their actions. I think many still do, however I have witnessed firsthand how the devil has worked against me in my life and I know that it is a real threat out there.
Many people who knew me years ago, would probably not even recognize me. I was never a religious person nor was I a peaceful person. I made my choices and there were some pretty bad consequences to those choices. I now see, that the only reason I have survived was truly, by the grace of God. Also, I now see how those experiences are being used to help people out now.
One thing that I have recently heard is just because we don’t see God doing something doesn’t mean that he isn’t. He is always working in our lives. It would be very easy for me to sit back and complain about my past and the bad that was done to me. Yet, what good is that going to do? Why should I complain about things that happened because of my own choices?
God couldn’t mold me into the person he wants me to be until he totally broke me. I had to go through what I did in order for me to be prepared to handle the task at hand. I feel that he has a big task for me and I must admit, I am a bit nervous about it. I don’t feel worthy of it and I don’t feel the confidence in myself that others see. But I also know, that I can be my own worst enemy when I do not rely on God for his strength. I don’t see myself as being any better than anyone else, I just see myself that has been chosen to carry out a job that God has tasked me with.
So, am I going to react in my human form and let the fear keep me from doing what I am going to do or am I going to have faith and turn that fear over to the person that can do something about it.
What would you do?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
BREAKING THE ADDICTION OF MYSELF!
Hello. My name is Darci and I am a "Meaholic".
I can say now, that I was my own worst enemy. Espcially from October 2009 to January 2010. I consider that my "dark" period where I was so down on myself. So consumed with how others made me feel and how aweful I was. My thoughts were full of "I'm useless, worthless, and all the "less's", January 8, 2010 was the day I decided to finally go "cold Turkey" on myself and am so much better for it. I have gotten myself back to shape emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. What a difference! You can track my progress on www.beachbodycoach.com/2tim17
Anyway, I have heard this song by Mercy Me many times but it really didn't hit me until a few months ago and I think it describes perfectly, where I am today. So, without further ado:
Well if I come across a little bit distant
It's just because I am
Things just seem to feel a little bit different
You understand
Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long, self
Stop right there because I know what you're thinking
But no we can't be friends
And even though I know your heart is breaking
This has to end
And come to think of it the blame for all of this
Simply falls on me
For wanting something more in life than all of this
Can't you see
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two, so you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong, but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, good-bye, don't cry
So long
Don't feel so bad (don't feel so bad)
There'll be better days (there'll be better days)
Don't go away mad (but by all means)
Just go away,go away
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two, so you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong, but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, good-bye, don't cry
So long self
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
I can say now, that I was my own worst enemy. Espcially from October 2009 to January 2010. I consider that my "dark" period where I was so down on myself. So consumed with how others made me feel and how aweful I was. My thoughts were full of "I'm useless, worthless, and all the "less's", January 8, 2010 was the day I decided to finally go "cold Turkey" on myself and am so much better for it. I have gotten myself back to shape emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. What a difference! You can track my progress on www.beachbodycoach.com/2tim17
Anyway, I have heard this song by Mercy Me many times but it really didn't hit me until a few months ago and I think it describes perfectly, where I am today. So, without further ado:
Well if I come across a little bit distant
It's just because I am
Things just seem to feel a little bit different
You understand
Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long, self
Stop right there because I know what you're thinking
But no we can't be friends
And even though I know your heart is breaking
This has to end
And come to think of it the blame for all of this
Simply falls on me
For wanting something more in life than all of this
Can't you see
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two, so you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong, but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, good-bye, don't cry
So long
Don't feel so bad (don't feel so bad)
There'll be better days (there'll be better days)
Don't go away mad (but by all means)
Just go away,go away
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two, so you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong, but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, good-bye, don't cry
So long self
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
farewell, goodbye (so long self)
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