Meditating on Ephesians 6:10-20

Before I start into my Bible Study, I want to share 2 Timothy 1:7. "For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of Power, Love and a Sound Mind". Lately, as I am trying to rebuild my realtionship with God, I have been feeling a lot of anxiety. It always happens around my period, but for some reason, this week is worse than the rest. I don't know where it is coming from or why I feel like crying sometimes for no reason. My life is going well. I have a husband and family that love me. Our finances are getting back in order and my life is getting back on track. So, why do I feel anxious, worried and depressed? Why do I feel I am loosing my mind?? Ok, loosing my control of my emotions?? Please lift this up in prayer. God did not give this spirit of fear to me.

Acts 28. 20. ".....It is because of the hope of Israel that I am bound wth this chain. " Paul is in Rome. He is imprisoned. in Verse 31 it says "Boldly without hinderance he preache the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Chris". Paul was not anxious nor worried. Even in his circumstaces, he praise God's name and spread the word to others around him. He was never alone.

My grief and anxieties are nothing compared to Paul. The Lord is with me. He has never left me or forsaken me. So, where are these emotions coming from? Why this anxiety?

There are 10 verses in the Bible that talk about worry:

Gen 7:16..Dont worry about the details we have no control of. Let God worry about the details.
Gen 21:7..Worry can cause us to forfit our peace with God. IS this why I am full of anxiety?? God wants to give me peace.

Ps 37:8-9 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-- it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.


That's it. Since getting back home from Albuquerque, I let anger fill me. Idid become full of wrath and anger. I was ready to leave my husband and blame him for all my suffering. I was choosing to wallow in my anger and I allowed it to consume me. By doig this, I drifted farther and farther away from God. I didn't go to church for 2 weeks nor did I pick up my Bible to read and I was all ready to pack up Karmann and leave. I had felt anger like I used to know many, many years ago. But, this time, it was different. Becaue this time, there was a tiny speck of me, the me that loved my God that held on and kept fighting. Anger literally wore me out. My anxiety and feelings of dread are what's left after choosing to look to God for guidance and instruction. IT was a battle going on in my mind and in my heart. This is exactly what the devil wants to happen. No More. Renewing my mind is a daily battle. These feelings stem from thoughts I allowed to fester. No more. I will put on my armor of God:

The Belt of truth: Satan fights with lies and sometimes his lies sound like tuth; but only believers have God's truth, which can defeat Satan's lies. God's truth is that he loves my husband. He Chose Leo for me. I am to be Leo's Christian example which means forgivenss... not just 7 times, but 70 times 7 times.

The Breastplate of righteousness The devil often attacks our heart--- the seat of our emotions, self worth and trust. God's righteousness is the breastplate tha protects our heart and ensures his approval. He approves of us because he loves us and sent his so to die for us. By not keeping in the word, I had taken off my breastplate. That allowed the devil to attack my heart and mess with my emotions. And what an attack he made!!

The Footgear for Readiness to spread the Good News. Satan wants us to think that telling others the Good News is worthles and hopeless task. The size of the task is too ig and the negativ responss are too much to handle. But the footgear Go gives us is the motivaton to continue to prolaim the true peace that is available in God--news eveyrone needs to hear. I no longer felt like posting up bible verses or encouraging others on facebook. In fact, I had the opportunity to tell Leo how he could get hope and talk to him about God and I stayed quiet. I didn't say anything because my thoughts told me that it was useless because he wasn't going to listen to it anyway, his heart wasn't ready...but I see now that those are lies...big lies... No one who knows me can doubt that God exists after seeing where he has brought me to. My life should stand as hope against the darkenss. I survived so that I can share this hope with others...but by listening to the doubts in my mind, I kept my mouth shut. No more...

The Shield of Faith. What we see are Satan's attacks in the form of insults, setbacks and temptations. But, the shield of faith protects us from Satan's flaming arrow's. With God's perspective, we can see beyond our circumstances and know that ultimate victory is ours. SELAH! When I got home from spending a month away, I felt likeI was getting nothing but insults and setbacks and temptations. I blamed my husband for that. But, as a non believer, it is easy for Satan to use him to get to me. He doesn't understand faith. But, I do. I understand how it works. And, I fell for it. I let my shield down. By doing that, I blamed everything on my husband. It was all his fault. Blame is a HUGE emotion...and one that will allow us to excuse our behavior when we know it's wrong. But, no more. My shield is back up!!

The Helmet of Salvation...Satan wants to make us doubt God, JEsus and our salvation. The helmet protects our mind from doubting God's saving work for us. Doubt is HUGE when it comes to depression. Afterall, that's where i all starts...doubting ourselves, doubting our abilities. Doubt can have a HUGE controlling effect on our outlook.It can make us see things that aren't there. It can cause us to think somthing is bigger than it is.

and finally:

The Sword...the word of God. The sword is the only weapon of offense in this list of armor. There are times when we need to take the offensive against Satan. When we are tempted, we need to trust in he truth of the word of God. The Bible says that the truth will set you free. And, indeed it does. It doesn't free you from battle or free you from life's circumstances, but it frees you from the lonliness that trying to fight a battle on your own can bring. Many times, I say to myself that I have no one to talk to. I can't pick up the phone and talk to someone about my feelings...but the truth is, God is always near. I can talk to him first and he listens. He speaks the truth.

When I started this letter, I was full of anxiety and worry. After turning to the word of God and knowing the truth, the anxiety and worry and other emotions are passing. I know they will be back, they always are...but this time, I am ready. I have on my armor of God. I know where to look in the Bible to see what it is God wants me to see about any situation. I can rest in peace and comfort knowing that I a his child ad he is with me always!!

So, the world may do what it may. I have the "...Power of PEACE, LOVE and a SOUND MIND!!!"

Thank you Lord, I praise your name!!!

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Treasure...

When most of us think of treasure or hear the word treasure, we are transported back to the land of pirates or King Arthur. We envision grand wooden chests overloaded with jewels and gold. For most of us, that is how we measure our weath…buy the amount of money we have in the bank or by how much our treasure chests are overflowing.

As for me, I have found and learned something new. My true treasure lies within my heart. Afterall, what is in my heart is a direct reflection of my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth. Over the past few months, I have been so full of negative treasure, it would make your head spin. On the outside I appear to have it all together, to have a positive attitude…and yes, I am trying, really trying to control my attitude, but the real truth is, my heart has been filled with hurt, neglect and all in all, negative crap.

If I had to lay it out, itemize and take inventory of my treasure, I would see the following:

1. Depression
2. Self Doubt
3. Self Denial
4. Weakness
5. Despair
6. Wanting to give up
7. Unrealistic expectations of myself.
8. A little glimmer of hope
9. A little glimmer of love
10. A little glimmer of happiness

The problem is, that items 8, 9 and 10 were buried way down deep underneath items 1 through 7!
IT’s so true, what is inside of me is relevant by what comes out of my mouth…Just ask my husband. Poor Man…I had started to drift away from him because of “what I felt he was doing to me…or lack theirof!” I was making excuses for my negative treasure by placing the blame on my spouse! “You don’t love me, You don’t appreciate me, You don’t find me attractive, You don’t support me, You don’t this or You don’t that!!”

Poor guy, he never stood a chance. I had built of these expectations of what I expected of myself and what I thought he wanted me to be that I totally set myself up for failure. I was putting all my self worth in the hands of a human being…who was struggling just to understand what was happening to his wife and trying to figure out how to help her before she went over the deep end!!

What stopped me from going over the deep end? What jerked me out of my “Funk”? I realized that my negative treasure was consuming my thoughts and coming out In my attitude. Why is it so important for me to figure this out? Because knowing what my treasure is forces me to look at what’s wrong with me, not what is wrong with everyone else. Nobody but that treasure into my vault. My husband didn’t make a deposit of hatred or bitterness into the bank of Darci. Nope, that was all me.

I have learned that I control what I choose to do and, once I make that choice, that choice controls me. I chose to wallow in depression and self hatred. Therfore, the result of that choice was that I was becoming miserable and making people around me feel the same. I allowed other peoples opinions of me, not God’s, decide what type of person I had become. I will never truly be free until I start seeing me as God see’s me, not as people see me.

Matthew 15 16-20 says:
16-20Jesus replied, "You, too? Are you being willfully stupid? Don't you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated? But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart. It's from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing. That's what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands—that's neither here nor there."

“But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart”. No sentence rings truer in my mind right now, because I can look at that and see that is exactly what was wrong with me. I had so much negativeness in my heart, it overflowed into and out of my mouth. The thoughts in my heart made their way to my mind and then that as transformed into my outward behavior and lifestyle.
I need to change which feelings I pay attention to. Inventory item 8,9 and 10 are much more powerful than 1-7 however, I wasn’t choosing to look at nor pay attention to those feelings. Now, I can say, yes, I feel items 1- 7 but I am not going to pay attention to them. I am not going to make them my treasure nor am I going to let those feelings rule who I become. If I dwell and fuss over items 1-7, I will just bring myself down and those around me. These negative feelings are just an indication of what I need to change in my life. The lie I have been telling myself is that “I can’t help the way I feel” or “I can’t change the way I feel” and the truth is, I really can.

I can have feelings, but I don’t always have to dwell and meditate on them. Bad things are going to happen, especially in a marriage. Marriage isn’t easy, even for the best of us and the truth is, often, we as humans, would rather run and give up than stick it through and fight for the reward.

The problems I was having in my marriage is a direct reflection of the treasure I have had stored up in my heart. These treasures are definitely contrary to what constitutes a healthy relationship. We (I) don’t (won’t) get the real awesomeness of marriage without paying the price…and that price is self evaluation. The price is learning that the treasures in my heart are what is causing the issues in the marriage. I truly believe that God rewards those that hang in there and choose to be healed in those situations. Relationships are hard. Life isn’t fair. It’s easy to look and blame at the other for all the problems, but it is even more painful to look at yourself and what is going on in your heart. Remember, every action begins with a thought.



Let’s be real…nobody “falls” into anything. There isn’t a little “bitterness” cloud that follows us around and rains down bitterness on us where ever we are. We are not like Eyore with that raincloud following us around. BUT, if we dwell on the bad and fill our treasure with the things I have over the past few months, then that is exactly how we will feel.

It is not a mood, it is a way of thinking and when my thinking changes it’s a way of life. How I live is going to change.

So, therefore, what are my treasures now? Well, this is only day one, but already I feel
1. A glimmer of hope
2. A glimmer of love
3. A glimmer of happiness
4. A glimmer self worth
5. A glimmer accomplishment
6. A glimmer of pride
7. A small glimmer of self doubt
8. A Small glimmer of low self esteem
9. A Small glimmer of weakness

My heart is now healing…these feelings didn’t come about overnight nor will they heal overnight but, being open and honest with my friends and family and God, will help the healing process continue. I am exercising on a daily basis now and that has been 90% of my healing. Diet and lack of moving my body really helped bring my depression to it's rock bottom. But no more. God has given me a second chance and this is how I am goning to reach my goals!!



So, now my question to you, What is your treasure??