Treasure!!!

 

When most of us think of treasure or hear the word treasure, we are transported back to the land of pirates or King Arthur. We envision grand wooden chests overloaded with jewels and gold. For most of us, that is how we measure our weath…buy the amount of money we have in the bank or by how much our treasure chests are overflowing.
 As for me, I have found and learned something new. My true treasure lies within my heart. Afterall, what is in my heart is a direct reflection of my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth. A Few years ago, ok, well, 1 year ago, I realized I had been so full of negative treasure, it would make your head spin. On the outside I appeared to have it all together, to have a positive attitude…and yes, I am trying, really trying to control my attitude, but the real truth is, my heart had been filled with hurt, neglect and all in all, negative crap.

If I had to lay it out, itemize and take inventory of my treasure, God showed me the true treasure I had stored up in my heart: 
 1. Depression
2. Self Doubt
3. Self Denial
4. Weakness
5. Despair
6. Wanting to give up
7. Unrealistic expectations of myself.
8. A little glimmer of hope
9. A little glimmer of love
10. A little glimmer of happiness

The problem is, that items 8, 9 and 10 were buried way down deep underneath items 1 through 7!

It’s so true, and became crystal clear....what is inside of me is relevant by what comes out of my mouth…Just ask my husband. Poor Man…I had started to drift away from him because of “what I felt he was doing to me…or lack there of!” I was making excuses for my negative treasure by placing the blame on my spouse! “You don’t love me, You don’t appreciate me, You don’t find me attractive, You don’t support me, You don’t this or You don’t that!!”

 Poor guy, he never stood a chance. I had built up, out of these expectations of what I expected of myself and what I thought he wanted me to be, that I totally set myself up for failure. I was putting all my self worth in the hands of a human being…who was struggling just to understand what was happening to his wife and trying to figure out how to help her before she went over the deep end!! 

 What stopped me from going over the deep end? What jerked me out of my “Funk”? I realized that my negative treasure was consuming my thoughts and coming out In my attitude. Why is it so important for me to figure this out? Because knowing what my treasure is forces me to look at what’s wrong with me, not what is wrong with everyone else. Nobody put that treasure into my vault. My husband didn’t make a deposit of hatred or bitterness into the bank of Darci. Nope, that was all me.

 I have learned that I control what I choose to do and, once I make that choice, that choice controls me. I had made a choice to wallow in depression and self hatred. Therfore, the result of that choice was that I was becoming miserable and making people around me feel the same. I allowed other peoples opinions of me, not God’s, decide what type of person I had become. I will never truly be free until I start seeing me as God see’s me, not as people see me.

Matthew 15 16-20 says:
16-20Jesus replied, "You, too? Are you being willfully stupid? Don't you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated? But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart. It's from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing. That's what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands—that's neither here nor there."

“But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart”. No sentence rings truer in my mind right now, because I can look at that and see that is exactly what was wrong with me. I had so much negativeness in my heart, it overflowed into and out of my mouth. The thoughts in my heart made their way to my mind and then that as transformed into my outward behavior and lifestyle.

I had to change which feelings I pay attention to. Inventory item 8,9 and 10 are much more powerful than 1-7 however, I wasn’t choosing to look at nor pay attention to those feelings. Now, I can say, yes, I feel items 1- 7 but I am not going to pay attention to them. I am not going to make them my treasure nor am I going to let those feelings rule who I become. If I dwell and fuss over items 1-7, I will just bring myself down and those around me.
These negative feelings are just an indication of what I need to change in my life. The lie I have been telling myself is that “I can’t help the way I feel” or “I can’t change the way I feel” and the truth is, I really can.

I can have feelings, but I don’t always have to dwell and meditate on them. Bad things are going to happen, especially in a marriage. Marriage and relationships for that matter, are not easy, even for the best of us and the truth is, often, we as humans, would rather run and give up than stick it through and fight for the reward.


The problems I was having in my relationships are a direct reflection of the treasure I had stored up in my heart. These treasures are definitely contrary to what constitutes a healthy relationship. We (I) don’t (won’t) get the real awesomeness of marriage without paying the price…and that price is self evaluation. The price is learning that the treasures in my heart are what is causing the issues in the marriage. I truly believe that God rewards those that hang in there and choose to be healed in those situations. Relationships are hard. Life isn’t fair. It’s easy to look and blame at the other for all the problems, but it is even more painful to look at yourself and what is going on in your heart. Remember, every action begins with a thought.


Let’s be real…nobody “falls” into anything. We don't walk down the sidewalk and "fall into a hole full of love!!!  There isn’t a little “bitterness” cloud that follows us around and rains down bitterness on us where ever we are. We are not like Eyore with that raincloud following us around. BUT, if we dwell on the bad and fill our treasure with the things I had done over that period of time, then that is exactly how we will feel.

It is not a mood, it is a way of thinking and when my thinking changes it’s a way of life. How I live is going to change.

 So, therefore, what are my treasures now?

 1. hope

2. love

3. happiness

4. self worth

5. accomplishment

6. pride in what I have made it through

7. A small glimmer of self doubt

8. A Small glimmer of low self esteem

9. A Small glimmer of weakness

 My heart is healing…these feelings didn’t come about overnight nor will they heal ove rnight but, being open and honest with my friends and family and God, will help the healing process continue. I am exercising on a daily basis now and that has been 90% of my healing. Diet and lack of moving my body really helped bring my depression to it's rock bottom. But no more. God has given me a second chance and this is how I am going to reach my goals!!

So, now my question to you, What is your treasure??

Dealing with the emotion of defeat….

I'm in a funk. I feel defeated and overwhelmed. Ugh, sometimes I just feel like throwing my hands up in the air and say "Ok God, I give up!!!" and actually, I probably should. I should yell at the top of my lungs "God I give up, I can't do this anymore on my own….I put all of this stuff in my life into your hands." Which, by the way, I just did….As I sit hear feeling defeated, especially when it comes to my exercise goals, I need to first write up what I know.

I know that my cries haven't fallen onto deaf ears. I'm not alone. Here is what I know. Matthew 6 is full of instruction about worry.

 

• I am to cast my worries and anxieties on the Lord
  
• I should not spend my time in worry
  
• The Lord will not lead me or forsake me
  
• The Lord knows the plans he has for me. (Jer 29:11)
  
• For God did not give me the spirit of Fear, but of Power Love and a Sound Mind. (2 Tim 1:7)
  

Like Joshua, I have had victory after victory after victory in my life. But I feel like right now, I am flat on my face in defeat!!! Now, a look at what I feel…As I walk into the kitchen and see the mess, then into the living room and see that mess, I feel overwhelmed and defeated. Didn't I just clean this up? How did it become such a mess so quickly? Why am I the only one who really cares about how the house looks? But I guess I don't care enough because I just feel like giving up on it! I feel defeated. Defeated in my marriage, in my role as a mom and wife, in my desires and my dreams, my finances and friendships. My passion has disappeared! Where did it go? I mean, I don't feel depressed or like crying..just frustrated and defeated.

I looked up the word defeat in the Concise Oxford English Dictionary, and this is what it says about the word: "    prevent the achievement of (an aim): this defeats the object of the exercise." Did it have to say exercise? Really? Lord, you had to put that word in part of the definition?

As a Christian Woman, I should not be living a life full of defeat. Everyone around me says I have a lot on my plate, but I don't see that. Why? Is my brain just protecting me from the chaos that life has been giving me lately?

I just read something interesting:

It's the defeat more than anything else that hurts you! Defeat is always the hardest thing for you to stand, even in trifles. But don't you know that we have to be defeated in order to succeed? Most of us spend half our lives fighting for things that would only destroy us if we got them. A man who has never been defeated is usually a man who has been ruined.

—J. L. Allen

Wow. What an eye opener. I have always said to other people, that you can't appreciate the light until you have walked in the darkness. "Most of us spend our lives fighting for things that would only destroy us if we got them." Wow. Is that what I am doing? Fighting for something that would only destroy me if I achieved it? What am I fighting for? What am I placing my thoughts on?

Having a defeated attitude is allowing myself to swim in defeated thoughts. After all, everything starts with a thought…so what thoughts am I allowing into my mind? What thoughts are racing around in my head and what thoughts are keeping me up at night? That's where that defeat is coming from. Satan doesn't want me to be full of passion for anything except negative emotions…if he can keep me down, then God can't help me up…but guess what, no matter how hard Satan tries, My God is stronger. He can life me out of anything…and he has done this time and time again in my life.

Joshua 7:10 says "¹⁰ The Lord said to Joshua, "Stand up! What are you doing down on your face?" (I think I need to replace Joshua's name with mine) Israel had just been defeated I battle with Ai. They had been defeated because of their choices and their actions. Yet, God was calling out to Joshua who was feeling total defeat and despair and told him something important "That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction." (Joshua 7:12) God then goes on and gives Joshua instruction as to how to defeat his enemies.

I didn't realize this until now, just how much I can relate to Joshua. When I look at his life, I see so many similarities and when I read the following, I felt like God was speaking into my life. This is how Joshua must get up off his face. RF Campbell puts it into perfect perspective:

A.    Joshua Must Stop Questioning God's Character (v. 7)

1.    "Alas, O Lord God, wherefore hast thou?"

2.    Something goes wrong and he blames God

3.    Consider the good things God had done (what would my list of good things look like?)

a.    Sent Moses to bring them out of Egypt (Ex. 3)

b.    Opened the Red Sea for them (Ex. 14)

c.    Fed them with manna when they were hungry (Ex. 16)

d.    Gave them water from a rock (Ex. 17)

e.    Led them across the flooded Jordan (Josh. 3)

f.    Enabled them to conquer mighty Jericho (Josh. 6)

4.    Now after one defeat … Joshua blames God

5.    Think of all God has done for us: loved us, gave His Son for us, offers us salvation by faith, receives us when we come to Him

6.    How can we blame God for defeats?

 

B.    Joshua Must Stop Focusing on This One Defeat (v. 8)

1.    Think of all the blessings already given

2.    Think of all the blessings promised for the future

a.    Promises given to Abraham for his descendants (Gen. 12:1–3)

b.    Promises given to Moses for the people (Ex. 3:7–10)

c.    Promises given to Joshua (Josh. 1:1–9)

3.    Joshua had become problem-conscious instead of power-conscious

4.    In spite of blessings and promises, he focused on one defeat

5.    He must forget this defeat and expect victory (Phil. 3:13–14)

 

C.    Joshua Must Stop Worrying About Public Opinion (v. 9)

1.    "For the Canaanites … shall hear of it"

2.    God will take care of His own reputation

3.    God will lift up His people when they are down

4.    God has brought victory to many defeated ones

 

For me, this means that

A. Darci must Stop Questioning God's Character. I want to say I never do that, but in thinking long and hard about it… I do. When I allow these thoughts to invade my mind, I am giving power to the negative and not to God. When I try and do things on my own, I am not allowing God to do his work in me. I'm not in a place where I blame God for my poor choices, but I do blame myself and find myself buried I guilt. That's is not a spirit of God. I'm not thinking about all the good things God has done in my life like I used to. I feel like I am absorbing all the negative defeatist attitudes of the people around me…those that are closest to me which makes me thing I may have to change my surroundings when it comes to those relationships….but what if one of those relationships is your spouse? That's what I 'll have to turn over to God.

B. Darci Must Stop Focusing on This One Defeat. It's so easy to focus on what is going on without allowing yourself to think about all the good stuff. This is only a season…it will not last forever. I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me so why am I not allowing him to strengthen my thoughts???

C. Darci Must Stop Worrying About Public Opinion. This public opinion that has such a huge affect in my life is my husband's. But he lives in a defeatist mentality. Always concentrating on the negative, not allowing him to see past his nose. But, im giving power to that attitude by developing it myself, rather than walking with God and allowing God to fix my thoughts.

Eventually, Joshua does rise up and defeats the armies and leads his people into the promised lands.

In his letters to the exiles, Jeremiah said to them in chapter 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Even when Joshua was defeated, even when the exiles were feeling defeated, God still spoke to them. He didn't sugar coat anything or tell them everything would be sunshine and roses. He told them that they had to deal with the consequences of their actions and choices, but that season would end and he would bring them out of the captivity they had found them in. He encouraged them and instructed them on how to live life during that captivity so that they wouldn't allow themselves to get defeated again.

God knows my life. He knows my heart and he hears my cries. My focus must be on the task at hand and that is renewing my mind, repenting for the things I have done wrong and turning to my Lord for guidance, instruction and help in renewing my mind!

^"7 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

⁵⁸ Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. "

 

What better way to face the day… Thanks be to God!! HE does give us VICTORY!!! Amen!

Putting on the Armor of God.....

In order for me to face day to day trials and tribulations, I have to prepare myself for the battle. I do this by putting on my "Armor of God".

I will put on my armor of God:

The Belt of truth: Satan fights with lies and sometimes his lies sound like truth; but only believers have God's truth, which can defeat Satan's lies. God's truth is that he loves my husband. He Chose Leo for me. I am to be Leo's Christian example which means forgiveness... not just 7 times, but 70 times 7 times.

The Breastplate of righteousness The devil often attacks our heart--- the seat of our emotions, self worth and trust. God's righteousness is the breastplate that protects our heart and ensures his approval. He approves of us because he loves us and sent his so to die for us. By not keeping in the word, I had taken off my breastplate. That allowed the devil to attack my heart and mess with my emotions. And what an attack he made!!

The Footgear for Readiness to spread the Good News. Satan wants us to think that telling others the Good News is worthless and hopeless task. The size of the task is too ig and the negative responses are too much to handle. But the foot-gear Go gives us is the motivation to continue to proclaim the true peace that is available in God--news everyone needs to hear. I no longer felt like posting up bible verses or encouraging others on facebook. In fact, I had the opportunity to tell Leo how he could get hope and talk to him about God and I stayed quiet. I didn't say anything because my thoughts told me that it was useless because he wasn't going to listen to it anyway, his heart wasn't ready...but I see now that those are lies...big lies... No one who knows me can doubt that God exists after seeing where he has brought me to. My life should stand as hope against the darkness. I survived so that I can share this hope with others...but by listening to the doubts in my mind, I kept my mouth shut. No more...

The Shield of Faith. What we see are Satan's attacks in the form of insults, setbacks and temptations. But, the shield of faith protects us from Satan's flaming arrow's. With God's perspective, we can see beyond our circumstances and know that ultimate victory is ours. SELAH! When I got home from spending a month away, I felt like I was getting nothing but insults and setbacks and temptations. I blamed my husband for that. But, as a non believer, it is easy for Satan to use him to get to me. He doesn't understand faith. But, I do. I understand how it works. And, I fell for it. I let my shield down. By doing that, I blamed everything on my husband. It was all his fault. Blame is a HUGE emotion...and one that will allow us to excuse our behavior when we know it's wrong. But, no more. My shield is back up!!

The Helmet of Salvation...Satan wants to make us doubt God, Jesus and our salvation. The helmet protects our mind from doubting God's saving work for us. Doubt is HUGE when it comes to depression. After all, that's where i all starts...doubting ourselves, doubting our abilities. Doubt can have a HUGE controlling effect on our outlook.It can make us see things that aren't there. It can cause us to think something is bigger than it is.

and finally:

The Sword...the word of God. The sword is the only weapon of offense in this list of armor. There are times when we need to take the offensive against Satan. When we are tempted, we need to trust in he truth of the word of God. The Bible says that the truth will set you free. And, indeed it does. It doesn't free you from battle or free you from life's circumstances, but it frees you from the loneliness that trying to fight a battle on your own can bring. Many times, I say to myself that I have no one to talk to. I can't pick up the phone and talk to someone about my feelings...but the truth is, God is always near. I can talk to him first and he listens. He speaks the truth in love to me.